I know I can edit the last post but I feel like it deserves its own post.
We took the kids to a movie yesterday in the theater, Lottie's second movie and Dallas's first. I realized that they're growing up and getting older, which may be silly because it's just a movie, right? I started thinking about missing the fact that Lottie and Dallas aren't babies anymore, but that's not really what I miss. I don't necessarily miss getting up at all hours of the night or not understanding the little baby cries. I'm still changing Dally's diapers, so I haven't had a chance to miss diapers yet.
What I am dreading is the day the kids don't need me anymore. In my heart, I know that they'll always need me. I mean, I'm 38 years old, and I still need my mom. But there will come a day when the kids think they don't need me, and that's gonna kill me. I do everything for them right now: feed them, clothe them, play with them, laugh with them, scold them, hug them, soothe boo-boos, read to them, exclaim over their drawings, break up their fights, watch them dress up in silly outfits, and tuck them in at night. I'm there for them; I'm ALWAYS there for them.
Someday, and I know it will be sooner than I think, they're going to think they can do it all themselves. I'm going to have to let them think that and do what they need to do because that's the whole point of raising kids, to make them independent. But where does that leave me? I'll be a chauffeur, but I hope that's not my only role. I don't want to be left behind, especially when I am giving so much now to make them into responsible, loving, caring adults. I just hope they continue to come to me their whole lives and know that even though I get frustrated (a lot), I would do it all again for them.
They'll always need you. The questions just get harder and the conversations deeper. Then they turn more into our teachers than us theirs. Stay in the moment and love every minute of it because one day it will be Lottie's last summer before she goes off into that great, big world.
ReplyDeleteI still get the 2 a.m. phone calls with a tearful, "Mama?" Mia will be 20 on her next birthday. It is my opinion that adolescence (and all the drama that leads up to it) serves a purpose. It is not our job to raise good children. It is our duty to raise superior adults. As bittersweet a pill as it is to swallow, that is our task in the long run. Lottie and Dally will ALWAYS need you, even on days when they wish they could "pet you with their tires." No matter what, you will always be the Mama, they will always love you- even when they hate you. Channel the worry about the future into something constructive for the present. Much love to you and your amazing family. Can't wait to see you soon!
ReplyDeleteGreat post! Hope your shoulder is feeling better and don't worry, I still need my mom too and Russ, though he will deny it, still adores and calls his mom every day. Enjoy the snuggles from those two beautiful babies!
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