6,205 days

 

My boy,

Today, you are seventeen. I feel like I just put you down for the night in your Thomas the Tank bed after reading you a book about transportation vehicles. It’s trite but true: time has absolutely flown by.

You have begun your junior year, the hardest in high school, I think. I know you’ll work hard as you always do. What I want the most, though, is for you to make time to have fun and hang out with your friends. Life is short, bud, and I want you to make the most of it.

Dad and I think it’s wonderful that you tried out for and are now part of the Varsity Singers at school. I know that being on stage isn’t usually in your wheelhouse, but it’s important to move out of your comfort zone when you can. When we watched the VS show after the summer camp, I couldn’t stop smiling. What a joy to be part of such a talented group of kids.

I love the way you’re always willing to help people, whether pet sitting while they’re on vacation or plant sitting for the same reason. They trust you because you’re hard-working, kind, and dependable. I’m not sure I would say that about every teen I know. You’re also incredibly kind and generous. I know you would do anything for your friends and family, but it’s also the little things like putting a bug outside instead of squashing it or reassuring me that I’m still a good cook when I mess up a new recipe. You have a gentle soul. I know that’s not cool to admit, but I hope you embrace it. With all the hate in the world, we need men like you who aren’t afraid to be kind.

When I watch you and Lottie interact, my heart swells. You’re goofy and patient, and I hope so much that your sibling relationship gets stronger all the time. I want you two to count on each other and help each other through the craziness of life.

I love how witty you are. You’re smart, of course, but you’re funny, too. You know so much about things that make my head spin. I enjoy listening to you talk about history, politics, and books. You’re good at math and science, and you understand all the logic and need for structure in both subjects. At heart, though, I think you’re a guy who embraces the beauty of the world that exists outside of the physical. I love spending time with you because you always give me something to think about. 

My wish for your seventeenth year is for you to be kind to yourself. We all have expectations of what we should do and who we should be, but please remember that humans are fluid and ever changing. The person you are now isn’t the person you were five years ago, nor will you be the same person in five years. Your heart will always be kind, inclusive, and loving, and your mind will always be open. Other than that, the world is your oyster. Allow yourself to find joy in the unknown, even if it seems a little scary at first.

I am ridiculously proud of you, and I am prouder every day. Knowing you is a privilege. 

Love you, my best boy,

Mom

6,570 Days

 My Lottie,

And now you are an adult. I laugh as I type that, though, because, as we have discussed, you’ll really always be my baby. In my mind and heart, you’re three or maybe four years old, listening to stories with wide-eyed wonder on your face asking us, “Whass gonna happen?”

The last six months or so have been a whirlwind of activity. Between working, school, SDMT, and socializing, you have been busy. It makes me so happy to watch you live your best life. I know that things get crazy and overwhelming sometimes, and I’m proud of you for learning to say no to things when you need to protect your peace. You’re a caretaker at heart, and I know you don’t like letting people down; I think it’s great to know your limitations and to realize that it’s okay to turn down offers to rest or just because you don’t feel like it. It’s an enviable quality that many adults don’t have, let alone a newly-minted adult.

I know that ending something can be bittersweet and scary; however, I think you’re ready to put high school in your rearview mirror. It was a rough patch when you had pneumonia and mono at the same time. You missed some senior activities and so much school. You persevered and made up all the work while also doing the work that was happening at that time in your classes. Honestly, you rocked it. Overall, high school hasn’t been terrible, and you have done a lot of maturing. It’s time, though. It’s time for you to move on to your next journey to the University of Wisconsin Eau-Claire. I am going to miss you desperately, and it doesn’t help that you have already been teasing me about that for months. But as much as I’ll miss you, I’m excited to watch you take flight. You have the skill and the drive to get whatever you want out of life, and I can’t wait to see what you’ll do. Promise me that you’ll make time for fun, too. (I think Dad would want me to add not too much fun, though.)

When you’re up north next school year, I hope you realize that you’re capable of so many great things. I know that being away from home for the first extended period of time can be scary, but you’re up to the challenge. You know you can always call us or come home any time you need to, although I have a feeling you’re going to adapt to college life quite well. If you don’t, though, it’s not the end of the world. I hope you know in your soul that Dad and I always have your back.

You’re good at that, having people’s backs. You’re a fiercely loyal friend, sister, and daughter. If people mess with someone you love, it’s curtains for them. You’re not a pushover, though, and you expect that same loyalty in return. I appreciate is that you know that you deserve to be treated well, and you have high expectations of your friends. I have watched you learn that all people are fallible, and there is always a time and place for grace. These are qualities that will also come in handy with your eventual role in geriatric physical therapy or whatever career path you decide to follow. You will handily make any job your own with your humor, your work ethic, and your understanding.

You make us all laugh every single day. More importantly, you know how to laugh at yourself. Having a good sense of humor and the ability to not take things so seriously are true assets in life. Things aren't always fun and games, but if you can create fun in your life, you absolutely should. 

 

I’m forever proud of your strength, your values, and your confidence. I look at you, and I am in awe of your accomplishments, and more importantly, your kindness and empathy. Simply put, to me, you are magic. Don't ever let anyone make you feel otherwise. 

 

Happy 18th birthday, baby. 

I love you the mostest,

Mom

5,475 days of Dallas

 Dal,

In the blink of an eye, you are fifteen. When I look at you, my brain understands that you're growing up, but my heart still sees you as a little boy who loves Thomas the Train, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, firetrucks, and going to the park. 

First day of high school

I often wonder who you will be as you continue to get older. I already know that you are hilarious; your sense of humor constantly keeps me on my toes. (So does looking up at you because you tower above me.) Of course, you enjoy the stereotypical-boy humor like anything that involves bodily functions, but you also have a more sophisticated view on what is funny, too. You still like to take in a whole situation before you comment on it, and I love to watch you watch everyone else. There is usually a faint smile on your face, and I'm always curious to know what you're thinking. 

One of my favorite things about you is your loyalty. Once you have made a friend, you have that friend for life. You will stand up for the people you believe in, and you won't let them get down on themselves. I love when your friends come over, and I can hear you all laughing while you play air hockey or even tag in the pitch dark. The sounds have gone from little boy giggles to laughter that sounds like grown men have invaded my basement. When that happens, all of our snack food disappears so quickly it's almost like it was never there. It's worth it, though, to know that you all are having a good time. 

Another one of my favorite things is your kindness. Along with your loyalty to your friends, I think you're kind to them as well. It can't be easy to be a teenaged boy these days, but you make it look effortless by being genuinely nice and ignoring the how others may think you should act. You're also so kind to Lottie, Dad, and me. I know that teens are supposed to be annoyed with their parents the majority of the time, but if you feel that way about us, I would never know. You're always polite and self-effacing, and you would rather take the heat for something than see anyone else go down. Even if I make a throwaway comment about how I'm dim for forgetting something, you quickly rush to tell me that I'm not and that I have done nothing wrong. Simply put, you're a good person, and I'm so proud of you. 

The last year has been a good one for you. With Science Olympiad, you were able to attend the state competition as well as go to the national competition in Wichita. You went to Washington D.C. with your eighth-grade class, to Florida with your friend and his dad for spring break, to the Dunes Learning summer camp, to the Wisconsin Dells with another friend, and to Hilton Head Island with us. I'm happy that you appreciate travel and the people who take you places. I firmly believe that going to different places to learn about different things is good for the soul, and you seem to soak it all in. Remember when we tried to go crabbing on the boat? We caught nothing and got eaten alive by mosquitoes, but you still had a good time just by having the experience. Even when things haven't gone your way, and there have definitely been times like that, you are able to recognize that there is learning in defeat and value in trying again. 

What I feel luckiest about is that I genuinely enjoy spending time with you. You always have little tidbits of trivia to share with me or a funny story to tell. The reason I love to plan vacations is because it's time for the four of us to be together without other distractions. I mean, I do love to travel, but I also love to travel with you or do basically anything with you. (Except maybe shopping for clothes. I don't think that's fun for you.)

Thank you for putting things on high shelves for me, thank you for helping me to take care of the pool and the dogs, thank you for working hard and being thoughtful, thank you for cleaning up after dinner, and thank you for being you.

You are my number one best boy, and I love you,

Mom

5,110 days

 My boy,

Today you are 14 years old, and I could swear that just last week, you were only 4.

Each year, you continue to grow into an incredible young man. This year, especially, you're taking the growing part quite seriously. You're at 6'0" now, and I don't doubt that it will be too long before you're even with Dad. You're my go-to for putting away things in the kitchen that go on high shelves or for changing lightbulbs so I don't have to drag out a ladder. You're quite fond of patting me on the head after these chores and affectionately calling me your "low" mother. Most of your summer was spent eating and sleeping, and every time I have to crane my neck up to talk to you, I'm reminded of the hard work it takes for the teenaged body to grow strong and the brain to grown smart. 

Speaking of , you're still as smart as you have ever been. You have an incredible recall for things you have read or seen, even if it was only briefly. I love when you dole out trivia and tidbits about things that you know will interest me. Having a conversation with you is always fascinating because I never quite know the direction it will take. Just remember that intelligence is more than good grades, and don't let that be the only thing that defines you. 

I'm proud of the way you continue to try new things. Sometimes they don't suit you, and you're embracing that it's okay if you decide that an activity isn't for you. Dad and I are impressed with how you are teaching yourself to play guitar. I love when I'm in my bedroom at night and I can hear you practicing in the basement. I know that you're searching for your "thing," but I want you to remember that you're still young, and you have time to find your passion whether it be your career or something you like to do in your free time. It will find you when the time is right; have faith. 

Your sense of humor is one of my favorite things about you. It ranges from typical-middle-school-boy hilarity to very sharp and witty. Between you, Lottie, and Dad, I'm always laughing, even at times when I would rather not. Even though your humor is on point, it's never cruel, and I appreciate that. Life is hard enough without malice disguised as something that is supposed to be funny. 

I know it's not necessarily cool for a boy your age to be kind, but you are. You get frustrated like every other human on the planet, but to your very core, you are a gentle and sweet soul. I also know how difficult it can be to keep that part of yourself locked away for self-preservation, and that's why it means so much when you share that side of yourself with me. You make time for your friends when they need you even if you're not quite sure what to say. Even though we have come a long way as a society, vulnerability is still not a quality that is celebrated, especially for young men. I hope that you don't ever lose the kindness that is a huge part of who you are. And watching you love our crazy, demanding dogs reminds me that you are the animal whisperer of the family. Remember how the cats at the restaurant on Tybee Island were drawn to you? They can all sense that you have so much goodness inside you and not an ounce of harm. 

I'm incredibly proud to be your mom. My wish for you this year is to find your voice and your confidence: you have a lot to say and you deserve to be heard. Be bold and know what you have to share is important. Ask for help when you need it because that's a sign of strength, not weakness. No matter what, know you can always talk to me. 

You are my best boy, and you are so loved,

Mom 

4,015 days

My sweetest,

Eleven years ago, you made me a mom. It wasn't an exactly auspicious start considering I didn't even know I was in labor, but once you arrived, I knew I would never love anyone the same way that I loved you.

 From the beginning, you have kept me on my toes. When you were little, you were a runner; you didn't see any point in walking somewhere if you could run. These days, you prefer cartwheeling your way through the world. It's a rare occasion on a night at home if you're not doing a back bend, a crab walk, or a front walkover. I have no idea where you got your flexibility because I know it's not from Dad or me. For sure.

This past year has been all about gymnastics, making slime, going to sleep away camp, beauty experiments, and trying anything new. Not everything has been a rollicking success, but that never seems to bother you. You have the rare ability to laugh at yourself and ridiculous situations without taking yourself too seriously. I love when you try out new accents and spend the evening talking like an old Russian woman or Hermione Granger. You have an ear for language, and I hope that's something you continue to enjoy. Your imagination is enormous, and I get such a kick out of hearing the stories, thoughts, and questions that come out of your brain.

You continue to take such good care of the people around you. Whether it's other kids at school or me or your brother, you tend to put everyone else first. You want everyone to be safe, healthy, and kind, and you show them through example. One day at school last semester, you wrote letters to the custodians at school to thank them for taking such good care of the building and the students in it.  Your heart is big enough to hold the world inside it, and I have no doubt that it will continue to grow as you get older. Malevolence is simply not in your vocabulary, and you fight for injustice, no matter whether it's real or perceived, with your whole being.  I truly admire your willingness to see the best in people. You're not a pushover, though, and you know how to stand up for yourself.

In the next year, you'll be starting middle school. Thinking of middle school years makes most people shudder, so I know exactly what is coming. What I want for you more than anything in the world is for you to hold on to who you really are, no matter how hard it may get. You're so beautiful and good, inside and out, and you see life through rose-colored glasses.  There are going to be people who tell you to see the world for what it really is, but I say ignore them. Life can be any way you choose to see it, and I hope that you're always able to find the sunshine.  Don't ever let someone else tell you what to do or who to be: you are amazing just the way you are.  Find your tribe of people who are kind and who make you want to be a better person. With good people by your side, you can do anything.

I'm beyond proud of you, baby. You bring so much joy and laughter and weirdness and hope to our lives. I'm infinitely grateful that you're mine.

I love you,
Mom

2,190 days

My baby,

Today you are six years old.  I know I say it every year, but once again, I have no idea where the time has gone.  It seems like only yesterday when the doctor put you in my arms, and I thought, "A boy?  I have no idea what to do with a boy!"  Despite my concerns, I think you have turned out pretty darn well so far.  It's hard to believe that you are the same chunk-a-bunk baby who basically slept for the first twenty-four hours of your life, making everyone but me concerned that you would never wake up to eat.  Once you did wake up and start eating, you basically never stopped.

You have done so many things in the last year.  You finished pre-school at the Montessori Academy of Valparaiso, and you truly thrived there.  I will always be grateful for the wonderful program and amazing staff who helped guide you through the last two years.  Because of everything you learned there, you were more than ready to enter Kindergarten this year at Flint Lake.  I love that you and Lottie are at the same school, on the same schedule, and riding the same bus.  I thought you might be nervous about riding the bus to school, but you hopped on the first day like a boss and you haven't looked back again.  You're on the twenty-seventh list of sight words already, so I am eager to see what happens when you have mastered all of the lists.  Perhaps you will start reading Camus next.

Your interests are varied as usual as you begin your sixth year.  There has been a surprising dinosaur renaissance which prompted you to tell me that your school has a "fairly decent selection of dinosaur" books.  You still enjoy Star Wars, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and anything that involves any type of weapon.  Sometimes I worry about your love of "shooting" but then I remember that you love to sit down with a good book just as much.  Everything in moderation, my love.  Scatological humor is still number one here as well.  When you're feeling especially naughty, you talk about poop or butts because you know it annoys me.  I have a feeling that annoying me thing will continue for the rest of my life.

You're a funny kid because you're very literal, and things are pretty black and white for you.  You and Lottie are about as different as siblings could be: that makes it very hard for Dad and me to ever know exactly what to do or how to do it.  I think you're breaking out of your shell a bit, though, and enjoying new things with an ease that you didn't have before.  You have really enjoyed your tae kwan do class, and I hope it's something you continue to practice.  I love that you're in class with other kids but the work itself is individual.

One of the most exciting things in the last year is that you outgrew your egg allergy.  A whole new world of food has opened up to you now.  Some of the things you have been really excited to try, but eggs themselves, whether hard-boiled or scrambled, are not your favorites yet.  Maybe someday.  You're naturally a little wary of trying things with eggs in them: after all, you spent the first five years of your life being told to stay away from eggs.  However, you're slowly starting to accept that you can try new things without the fear of getting sick.

You enjoy doing things by yourself like reading or playing with Legos®, but you hate to be alone.  You want someone nearby at all times but that person should really not talk to you unless you desire interaction.  Total paradox.  I think it's great that you're so good at entertaining yourself, though.  That is a quality that will serve you well throughout your life.   But don't ever be afraid to get out of your comfort zone and open yourself up to others; I'm sure you'll find plenty of people who share similar interests.  After all, you're an amazing guy with a lot to share with the world.

*I love that you still love to snuggle with me before bed every night.
*I love that you are such a great brother.
*I love the way you are kind to Mimi and PopPop's dog, Sally, and help us take care of her and how you constantly tell Judy that she's the best cat in the world
*I love how you sometimes chill out on the living room couch and stare at the trees out of the window
*I love the way you laugh with your entire body
*I love the way you have started to create your own things with Legos instead of just following the building directions
*I love your bone-dry sense of humor
*I love how excited you are when we get a new catalog in the mail, especially if the catalog has anything to do with Halloween
*I love your freckled nose and your gorgeous, long-lashed blue eyes


Dad and I are proud of beyond compare.  In my wildest dreams, I cannot even begin to imagine all of the wonderful things life has in store for you.  Promise me that you will always stay sweet, forever love to read, and never ever change who you are inside.

You are always my best, best boy,
Mom