6,205 days

 

My boy,

Today, you are seventeen. I feel like I just put you down for the night in your Thomas the Tank bed after reading you a book about transportation vehicles. It’s trite but true: time has absolutely flown by.

You have begun your junior year, the hardest in high school, I think. I know you’ll work hard as you always do. What I want the most, though, is for you to make time to have fun and hang out with your friends. Life is short, bud, and I want you to make the most of it.

Dad and I think it’s wonderful that you tried out for and are now part of the Varsity Singers at school. I know that being on stage isn’t usually in your wheelhouse, but it’s important to move out of your comfort zone when you can. When we watched the VS show after the summer camp, I couldn’t stop smiling. What a joy to be part of such a talented group of kids.

I love the way you’re always willing to help people, whether pet sitting while they’re on vacation or plant sitting for the same reason. They trust you because you’re hard-working, kind, and dependable. I’m not sure I would say that about every teen I know. You’re also incredibly kind and generous. I know you would do anything for your friends and family, but it’s also the little things like putting a bug outside instead of squashing it or reassuring me that I’m still a good cook when I mess up a new recipe. You have a gentle soul. I know that’s not cool to admit, but I hope you embrace it. With all the hate in the world, we need men like you who aren’t afraid to be kind.

When I watch you and Lottie interact, my heart swells. You’re goofy and patient, and I hope so much that your sibling relationship gets stronger all the time. I want you two to count on each other and help each other through the craziness of life.

I love how witty you are. You’re smart, of course, but you’re funny, too. You know so much about things that make my head spin. I enjoy listening to you talk about history, politics, and books. You’re good at math and science, and you understand all the logic and need for structure in both subjects. At heart, though, I think you’re a guy who embraces the beauty of the world that exists outside of the physical. I love spending time with you because you always give me something to think about. 

My wish for your seventeenth year is for you to be kind to yourself. We all have expectations of what we should do and who we should be, but please remember that humans are fluid and ever changing. The person you are now isn’t the person you were five years ago, nor will you be the same person in five years. Your heart will always be kind, inclusive, and loving, and your mind will always be open. Other than that, the world is your oyster. Allow yourself to find joy in the unknown, even if it seems a little scary at first.

I am ridiculously proud of you, and I am prouder every day. Knowing you is a privilege. 

Love you, my best boy,

Mom

6,570 Days

 My Lottie,

And now you are an adult. I laugh as I type that, though, because, as we have discussed, you’ll really always be my baby. In my mind and heart, you’re three or maybe four years old, listening to stories with wide-eyed wonder on your face asking us, “Whass gonna happen?”

The last six months or so have been a whirlwind of activity. Between working, school, SDMT, and socializing, you have been busy. It makes me so happy to watch you live your best life. I know that things get crazy and overwhelming sometimes, and I’m proud of you for learning to say no to things when you need to protect your peace. You’re a caretaker at heart, and I know you don’t like letting people down; I think it’s great to know your limitations and to realize that it’s okay to turn down offers to rest or just because you don’t feel like it. It’s an enviable quality that many adults don’t have, let alone a newly-minted adult.

I know that ending something can be bittersweet and scary; however, I think you’re ready to put high school in your rearview mirror. It was a rough patch when you had pneumonia and mono at the same time. You missed some senior activities and so much school. You persevered and made up all the work while also doing the work that was happening at that time in your classes. Honestly, you rocked it. Overall, high school hasn’t been terrible, and you have done a lot of maturing. It’s time, though. It’s time for you to move on to your next journey to the University of Wisconsin Eau-Claire. I am going to miss you desperately, and it doesn’t help that you have already been teasing me about that for months. But as much as I’ll miss you, I’m excited to watch you take flight. You have the skill and the drive to get whatever you want out of life, and I can’t wait to see what you’ll do. Promise me that you’ll make time for fun, too. (I think Dad would want me to add not too much fun, though.)

When you’re up north next school year, I hope you realize that you’re capable of so many great things. I know that being away from home for the first extended period of time can be scary, but you’re up to the challenge. You know you can always call us or come home any time you need to, although I have a feeling you’re going to adapt to college life quite well. If you don’t, though, it’s not the end of the world. I hope you know in your soul that Dad and I always have your back.

You’re good at that, having people’s backs. You’re a fiercely loyal friend, sister, and daughter. If people mess with someone you love, it’s curtains for them. You’re not a pushover, though, and you expect that same loyalty in return. I appreciate is that you know that you deserve to be treated well, and you have high expectations of your friends. I have watched you learn that all people are fallible, and there is always a time and place for grace. These are qualities that will also come in handy with your eventual role in geriatric physical therapy or whatever career path you decide to follow. You will handily make any job your own with your humor, your work ethic, and your understanding.

You make us all laugh every single day. More importantly, you know how to laugh at yourself. Having a good sense of humor and the ability to not take things so seriously are true assets in life. Things aren't always fun and games, but if you can create fun in your life, you absolutely should. 

 

I’m forever proud of your strength, your values, and your confidence. I look at you, and I am in awe of your accomplishments, and more importantly, your kindness and empathy. Simply put, to me, you are magic. Don't ever let anyone make you feel otherwise. 

 

Happy 18th birthday, baby. 

I love you the mostest,

Mom

5,840 days

 

My love,

Today, you are 16. I don’t think I could be any prouder of you than I am today, but you can ask me again tomorrow.

You have continued to grow and evolve throughout this last year. It hasn’t all been easy, though. You’ve been through some heartaches, and I know there were times you were really down. You managed to get through it all with your humor intact, but I know it wasn’t fun. I’m proud of you for powering through what were some difficult situations, but more so, I’m proud of you for talking when you needed to talk instead of keeping it all inside.

Your first year of high school had ups and downs, but now you seem to be on a fairly smooth track. You joined choir for your fine arts credit, and so far, you seem to be learning a lot. Science O was okay last year, but you decided it wasn’t your thing. This year, along with some pretty hard classes, you’re going to be on the swim team. I was so pleasantly surprised to see you willingly go out of your comfort zone, and I’m eager to watch everything you’ll do as a sophomore.

You were lucky enough to travel this summer with your school to Germany, Austria, and Switzerland. I was nervous to let you go because of your allergy; I was worried that you wouldn’t have enough to eat, or worse, that you would have some sort of reaction to something you ate. I should have known that you would be careful and diligent, and you ended up having an amazing time. I missed you a lot, but my heart was so thrilled that you were able to have that experience. I hope that you have a lot of travel in your future.

My favorite part of the recent year has been that you got your driving permit. Spending time with you in the car while you drive is absolutely the best. We talk about so many things, and I constantly learn something from you. Not only is your driving improving in leaps and bounds but so is your patience and your perception. You’re eager to listen to other people’s points of view while still staying true to who you are.

It’s hard to know who you are, especially in high school. I feel like you have a pretty good sense of that for yourself, though. I see a tenderness in you that I don’t see in a lot of people. It’s not weakness but rather a genuine compassion for others and what they may be feeling. I have hope that your generation of men will embrace the fact that men have feelings and that expressing those feelings is valid and pretty cool. I know I can always count on you to help me at home and to help your friends when they need it. You never want to hurt anyone’s feelings if you can help it, and I think that’s amazing. Just make sure that you stand up for yourself when you know something isn’t right. Your sense of humor is still delightfully dry, and I love catching your eye to laugh when perhaps we shouldn’t be laughing. I also appreciate that you’re around to help me get things off high shelves because, as you and your sister love to tell me, I’m too “low” to get them myself. Speaking of Lottie, watching your relationship grow is triumphant to me. Knowing that you two have each other when things get rough makes me happier than you’ll ever know.

You’re truly one of my favorite people on the planet, and it’s not just because you’re my son. I love spending time with you, I love your different takes on the world, I love how sweet you are even though I’m sure you don’t want anyone to know it, and I love you. I’m so happy that I get to be your mom.

 

You’re my bestest boy,

Mom

6,205 days

                                                                                        My love, this is 17. 

It has been a year of such growth for you. 

You started driving, and you’re quite good at it. The day you got your license, you had me drive home from the DMV because you wanted to text everyone you knew. As soon as we got home, you immediately took Dallas to dinner. It made my mama heart happy to see that he was the first person you shared your joy with. You have been driving my old car, which you named “Stephen” and bedazzled as soon as you could. 

You recently finished your first semester of Health Science vocational at Portage High School. You drive there every morning and then back to VHS for the afternoon. You get up on time and get yourself there with time to spare, and I admire that you took that on. The vocational material isn’t easy, but you’re working hard and doing the best you can. Dad and I can’t wait to see what you decide to end up doing in the healthcare field, if, indeed, you chose to go that route. I think you were made to help people because you give your care and kindness fully to anyone who needs it. 

Of course, you’re still participating in Speech, Debate, and Mock Trial. You're captain of the debate team and president of SDMT. I love that you have something you enjoy that you can also share with Dad. I know it isn’t easy to give up most of your Saturdays to various tournaments, but you do it with a smile…most of the time. You tried a new event by doing prose in speech this year, and you seem to be enjoying it a lot. I love that you’re willing to try new things in the SDMT world because one everyone your age is that brave. 

Along with vocational classes, regular school, and SDMT, you started your first job this year. As you know, Dad and I were reluctant to let you do it. I was afraid it would be too much, and you would get overwhelmed. When I really thought about it, I realized that we would never know if you could handle it unless we let you try. So far, you’re handling it like a champ. Between work, school, and SDMT, you’re sometimes gone for fourteen hours at a time. I miss your face on those days, but I know you’re out there doing good things. You have made fast friends at the pharmacy, and you help all of the customers who come in. You have also made it clear to some of the customers when they push it too far. 

Being a teenager in high school is hard, especially being a girl, I think. Friendships are tenuous at best, sometimes, and it can be hard to know who is really in your corner. I love that you work hard to maintain friendships as long as they’re feasible, but that you’re not afraid to say goodbye if you’re not being treated well. Yes, being the bigger person is SO hard, but it’s worth it in the long run, I promise. It’s better to be alone and enjoy your own company than to be with other people and feel like you’re alone. 

You make Dad and I so proud every single day, and I hope you’re proud of yourself, too. The first time I held you, I could have never dreamed that you would become this beautiful, smart, kind, funny, conscientious young lady. Thank you for continuing to trust me with your thoughts and concerns, and I guarantee that I will always be here for you. Stay true to yourself; I can feel in my bones that good things are coming your way. I love you the mostest. 

 

5,475 days of Dallas

 Dal,

In the blink of an eye, you are fifteen. When I look at you, my brain understands that you're growing up, but my heart still sees you as a little boy who loves Thomas the Train, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, firetrucks, and going to the park. 

First day of high school

I often wonder who you will be as you continue to get older. I already know that you are hilarious; your sense of humor constantly keeps me on my toes. (So does looking up at you because you tower above me.) Of course, you enjoy the stereotypical-boy humor like anything that involves bodily functions, but you also have a more sophisticated view on what is funny, too. You still like to take in a whole situation before you comment on it, and I love to watch you watch everyone else. There is usually a faint smile on your face, and I'm always curious to know what you're thinking. 

One of my favorite things about you is your loyalty. Once you have made a friend, you have that friend for life. You will stand up for the people you believe in, and you won't let them get down on themselves. I love when your friends come over, and I can hear you all laughing while you play air hockey or even tag in the pitch dark. The sounds have gone from little boy giggles to laughter that sounds like grown men have invaded my basement. When that happens, all of our snack food disappears so quickly it's almost like it was never there. It's worth it, though, to know that you all are having a good time. 

Another one of my favorite things is your kindness. Along with your loyalty to your friends, I think you're kind to them as well. It can't be easy to be a teenaged boy these days, but you make it look effortless by being genuinely nice and ignoring the how others may think you should act. You're also so kind to Lottie, Dad, and me. I know that teens are supposed to be annoyed with their parents the majority of the time, but if you feel that way about us, I would never know. You're always polite and self-effacing, and you would rather take the heat for something than see anyone else go down. Even if I make a throwaway comment about how I'm dim for forgetting something, you quickly rush to tell me that I'm not and that I have done nothing wrong. Simply put, you're a good person, and I'm so proud of you. 

The last year has been a good one for you. With Science Olympiad, you were able to attend the state competition as well as go to the national competition in Wichita. You went to Washington D.C. with your eighth-grade class, to Florida with your friend and his dad for spring break, to the Dunes Learning summer camp, to the Wisconsin Dells with another friend, and to Hilton Head Island with us. I'm happy that you appreciate travel and the people who take you places. I firmly believe that going to different places to learn about different things is good for the soul, and you seem to soak it all in. Remember when we tried to go crabbing on the boat? We caught nothing and got eaten alive by mosquitoes, but you still had a good time just by having the experience. Even when things haven't gone your way, and there have definitely been times like that, you are able to recognize that there is learning in defeat and value in trying again. 

What I feel luckiest about is that I genuinely enjoy spending time with you. You always have little tidbits of trivia to share with me or a funny story to tell. The reason I love to plan vacations is because it's time for the four of us to be together without other distractions. I mean, I do love to travel, but I also love to travel with you or do basically anything with you. (Except maybe shopping for clothes. I don't think that's fun for you.)

Thank you for putting things on high shelves for me, thank you for helping me to take care of the pool and the dogs, thank you for working hard and being thoughtful, thank you for cleaning up after dinner, and thank you for being you.

You are my number one best boy, and I love you,

Mom

5,840 days

 My Lottie,

When I think about you turning 16 today, I truly don’t know where the time has gone. It feels like yesterday that you were taking your first wobbly steps or telling people that Dallas’s name was Buster Brown or going to preschool to play with the baby dolls. Now you’re 16, and your whole life is stretched out before you just waiting for you to fly.

In some ways, you haven’t really changed too much since you were little. Your big, beautiful blue eyes see things with wonder. You have always been curious, but now you’re just curious about different things. Sometimes you come up with the goofiest questions, and other times you stun me with your insight. I really don’t ever know what you’ll come up with next, and it delights me to no end.

You are one of the most loyal people I have ever known. The phrase “ride or die” was probably coined to describe you. You love with your whole heart and soul; I know how difficult that can be because loving hard can also mean big disappointment sometimes. Anyone who is lucky enough to have you in their corner is getting a friend who will never let them down. High school is a tough time for friendships and finding yourself, but you have remained the calm in the eye of the storm.

Even though it is bittersweet to watch you grow up, I am having so much fun seeing who you are becoming. You constantly amaze me with your kindness not just to people you know but also complete strangers. Almost every time we go somewhere, you offer to help someone carry something or you compliment someone on their hair or outfit. You make people smile everywhere you go. The wondrous thing to me is that all of that comes naturally to you; you don’t think twice about engaging with people and making their days better.

I’m so proud of how hard you’re working at school, both in academics and your extracurricular activities. I love that you are able to share SDMT with Dad and that you genuinely enjoy it. It thrills me that you’re not afraid to share your opinion, even if it’s not a popular one. You’re learning important skills from both SDMT and choir that will transfer to whatever career you choose in the future. You’re absorbing lessons daily, and you’re maturing before my eyes.

Be that as it may, you’re still a goof. You make me laugh every day whether you mean to be funny or not. Even when you’re not trying to be funny, you have the rare ability to laugh at yourself. I feel like there is no in between for you: you either take things very seriously or not seriously at all. It’s always interesting to see which topics or happenings fit into which category. One thing is for sure: you keep us on our toes.

I couldn’t be any prouder of who you are and who you’re becoming. Stay true to yourself and don’t ever change for someone else. The right people will always love you for you: your beauty, kindness, joy, sensitivity, intelligence, humor, and light. You are one of my bestest things, and I love you the most.

All my love,

Mom

5,110 days

 My boy,

Today you are 14 years old, and I could swear that just last week, you were only 4.

Each year, you continue to grow into an incredible young man. This year, especially, you're taking the growing part quite seriously. You're at 6'0" now, and I don't doubt that it will be too long before you're even with Dad. You're my go-to for putting away things in the kitchen that go on high shelves or for changing lightbulbs so I don't have to drag out a ladder. You're quite fond of patting me on the head after these chores and affectionately calling me your "low" mother. Most of your summer was spent eating and sleeping, and every time I have to crane my neck up to talk to you, I'm reminded of the hard work it takes for the teenaged body to grow strong and the brain to grown smart. 

Speaking of , you're still as smart as you have ever been. You have an incredible recall for things you have read or seen, even if it was only briefly. I love when you dole out trivia and tidbits about things that you know will interest me. Having a conversation with you is always fascinating because I never quite know the direction it will take. Just remember that intelligence is more than good grades, and don't let that be the only thing that defines you. 

I'm proud of the way you continue to try new things. Sometimes they don't suit you, and you're embracing that it's okay if you decide that an activity isn't for you. Dad and I are impressed with how you are teaching yourself to play guitar. I love when I'm in my bedroom at night and I can hear you practicing in the basement. I know that you're searching for your "thing," but I want you to remember that you're still young, and you have time to find your passion whether it be your career or something you like to do in your free time. It will find you when the time is right; have faith. 

Your sense of humor is one of my favorite things about you. It ranges from typical-middle-school-boy hilarity to very sharp and witty. Between you, Lottie, and Dad, I'm always laughing, even at times when I would rather not. Even though your humor is on point, it's never cruel, and I appreciate that. Life is hard enough without malice disguised as something that is supposed to be funny. 

I know it's not necessarily cool for a boy your age to be kind, but you are. You get frustrated like every other human on the planet, but to your very core, you are a gentle and sweet soul. I also know how difficult it can be to keep that part of yourself locked away for self-preservation, and that's why it means so much when you share that side of yourself with me. You make time for your friends when they need you even if you're not quite sure what to say. Even though we have come a long way as a society, vulnerability is still not a quality that is celebrated, especially for young men. I hope that you don't ever lose the kindness that is a huge part of who you are. And watching you love our crazy, demanding dogs reminds me that you are the animal whisperer of the family. Remember how the cats at the restaurant on Tybee Island were drawn to you? They can all sense that you have so much goodness inside you and not an ounce of harm. 

I'm incredibly proud to be your mom. My wish for you this year is to find your voice and your confidence: you have a lot to say and you deserve to be heard. Be bold and know what you have to share is important. Ask for help when you need it because that's a sign of strength, not weakness. No matter what, know you can always talk to me. 

You are my best boy, and you are so loved,

Mom 

5,110 days

 My love,

I can hardly believe that you arrived in my life fourteen years ago. It feels like not too long ago that you were holding my hand in parking lots, sitting on my lap to hear a book, and falling asleep in the car with your thumb firmly tucked in your mouth. So many things have happened in the blink of an eye. 

This last year has been something for you and for everyone.  From the very beginning of the pandemic, you missed out on a lot. The day you all were sent home from school, you were supposed to do a performance of the variety show that you never got to do. You missed dances, sports, time with friends, and extra-curricular activities. There were no summer camps, no sleepovers, no vacations, no watching fireworks with pals. I know that you missed all of the socializing, and maybe school a teeny bit, but you were mature throughout all of the uncertainty. You very rarely complained, and when you did, it was only to blow off steam. You have always understood that Dad and I have been trying to keep our family as safe as possible, and you haven't held it against us. You have accepted what needs to be done better than many adults I know. 

Speaking of Dad and me, I know we drive you absolutely bananas sometimes most of the time. (I also know that it's mostly Dad, but I'll throw myself under the bus, too, so he doesn't feel so bad.) Despite how annoying we must be, you're pretty good about listening and letting us do our thing. Yes, there are eye rolls and stomping and door slamming from time to time, but even your teenaged behavior isn't terrible. You still make us laugh so much that it's difficult to stay mad at you. I don't know how Dad and I were so lucky to get such funny kids, but we're grateful for it every day. 

I have watched you grow an incredible amount in the last year. Physically, you're taller than I am now, and you get a disturbing sense of joy in reminding me how "low" I am. You'll be getting your braces off very soon, and what could have been a painful process has been smooth with you. On the rare occasions that you were in pain, you bore it with strength and the knowledge that it wouldn't last too long. You're working hard at school, and it shows. You're also always trying to get better organized. I know it isn't really your thing, but I appreciate the effort. The growth that has astonished me, though, is your emotional growth. I love how many new things you have tried: cross country, basketball, and even running for and winning president of Builders Club! Once you decide you're gong to do something, it's done. You have learned to stand up for what you feel is right even when it's a difficult or unpopular thing to do. I have seen you do this for your friends and for people you don't even particularly like: you always root for the underdog and for what is morally right. You have realized that having toxic people in your life isn't worth the pain they cause, and good friends are worth their weight in gold. I love that you still tell me every detail of your day; well, maybe not every detail but most of them. Every time you tell us a story about something that happened at school or on a Zoom with your friends, I feel like I know you a little better. For someone your age, you're not judgmental at all. You accept everyone for who and what they are, no matter what. You're kind, compassionate, forgiving, caring, and fierce: I can't think of a better combination. 

Everyone says how hard it is to watch your kids grow up. It's certainly bittersweet, but I'm having the best time watching who you are becoming. Keep fighting the good fight, even when you're tired or scared, and know we will always be right behind you. Continue to laugh as much as you can and stay close to your broham. I know you all like each other more than you're willing to admit. He'll forever be in your corner, too, just as I know you'll be in his. 

You are everything I never knew I longed for and exactly what I always wanted.  I am so damn proud of you, and I hope you never forget it. 

Love you the mostest,

Mom

4.380 days

 My love,

As we continue the craziness that has been 2020, you are twelve years old. Having a middle school boy is a whole new thing for me. I remember middle school boys as smelly, confusing, and strange creatures, but so far, you have exceeded my memories and my expectations.

I know it has been a bummer of a calendar year. We cancelled vacations, you missed summer camps, and you missed the last hurrah of elementary school. I'm sure you have been disappointed, but throughout it all, you have kept a positive attitude. The funny thing is that I'm not sure if you really felt fine about everything or if you were just worried that I would be worried. You're not a fan of other people being disappointed. 

You continue to grow and change in ways that constantly amaze me. You still like to observe things from the sidelines sometimes, but you're starting to jump into new experiences with both feet. You have really enjoyed things like camping and fishing, although I have no earthly idea where you get that because Dad and I are more indoorsy kind of people. I'm so proud of the way you have embraced Boy Scouts. Even though you're one of the youngest in your troop, that doesn't seem to bother you in the least. You can hold your own with the older kids, and you're willing to try different tasks to earn merit badges. One of your newest interests is cooking, and I love our grocery store "dates" to pick out different things for you to try.

 

One thing that hasn't changed is how ridiculously smart you are. Your favorite books are non-fiction about science, history, or trivia, and once you pick up a book, you rarely put it down until you're done. I honestly don't know where you learn half the stuff you know, but you know an awful lot. I feel like I spend a lot of time saying, "Really? How do you know that?" You usually just smile and shrug your shoulders, so I guess it will remain a mystery to me. I mean, obviously it's the books, but you still know a lot for a kid. 

You're also still quite the perfectionist about certain things. You always like to do well in academics, video games, or anything new you're trying. I can tell that you're maturing, though, because you don't get so mad anymore if you don't do something well on the first try. This is going to be a mindset that becomes more and more important as you get older, so I hope that you hold on to that feeling of knowing that practice will make things easier. I also hope you know that you don't have to be perfect or even good at everything you do: you're going to be great at so many things as it is, and you don't have to excel all the time. Keep growing your patience, and it will serve you well in all phases of your life. 

As you get older, your sense of humor gets even drier, and I wasn't sure that was possible. You're so quick-witted, and I guarantee that you don't know exactly how funny you are. Your humor really showcases who you are. You're not funny for attention or laughs: you're just usually observing life with your arid pleasantries. You have still maintained your compassion for other people, and I know you don't like to see anyone down or upset. You may not know exactly what to say or do to make someone feel better, but you always try to do something. 

I know that spending time as a family is getting less and less cool for both you and Lottie, but those are some of the best times in the world for me. I love our family movie nights and introducing you guys to some classics...and maybe there have been some clunkers in the bunch. You do your best to see the positive in what we do together, and I appreciate it more than you know. I hope that you never stop coming in to kiss me on the nose when it's time to say goodnight. 

You are a true gift to me in every sense of the word. I don't know how I go so lucky, and I don't take that for granted. Stay sweet, my lovely boy, my one and only young man. Twelve is going to be your best year yet.

All my love,

Mom