5,840 days

 

My love,

Today, you are 16. I don’t think I could be any prouder of you than I am today, but you can ask me again tomorrow.

You have continued to grow and evolve throughout this last year. It hasn’t all been easy, though. You’ve been through some heartaches, and I know there were times you were really down. You managed to get through it all with your humor intact, but I know it wasn’t fun. I’m proud of you for powering through what were some difficult situations, but more so, I’m proud of you for talking when you needed to talk instead of keeping it all inside.

Your first year of high school had ups and downs, but now you seem to be on a fairly smooth track. You joined choir for your fine arts credit, and so far, you seem to be learning a lot. Science O was okay last year, but you decided it wasn’t your thing. This year, along with some pretty hard classes, you’re going to be on the swim team. I was so pleasantly surprised to see you willingly go out of your comfort zone, and I’m eager to watch everything you’ll do as a sophomore.

You were lucky enough to travel this summer with your school to Germany, Austria, and Switzerland. I was nervous to let you go because of your allergy; I was worried that you wouldn’t have enough to eat, or worse, that you would have some sort of reaction to something you ate. I should have known that you would be careful and diligent, and you ended up having an amazing time. I missed you a lot, but my heart was so thrilled that you were able to have that experience. I hope that you have a lot of travel in your future.

My favorite part of the recent year has been that you got your driving permit. Spending time with you in the car while you drive is absolutely the best. We talk about so many things, and I constantly learn something from you. Not only is your driving improving in leaps and bounds but so is your patience and your perception. You’re eager to listen to other people’s points of view while still staying true to who you are.

It’s hard to know who you are, especially in high school. I feel like you have a pretty good sense of that for yourself, though. I see a tenderness in you that I don’t see in a lot of people. It’s not weakness but rather a genuine compassion for others and what they may be feeling. I have hope that your generation of men will embrace the fact that men have feelings and that expressing those feelings is valid and pretty cool. I know I can always count on you to help me at home and to help your friends when they need it. You never want to hurt anyone’s feelings if you can help it, and I think that’s amazing. Just make sure that you stand up for yourself when you know something isn’t right. Your sense of humor is still delightfully dry, and I love catching your eye to laugh when perhaps we shouldn’t be laughing. I also appreciate that you’re around to help me get things off high shelves because, as you and your sister love to tell me, I’m too “low” to get them myself. Speaking of Lottie, watching your relationship grow is triumphant to me. Knowing that you two have each other when things get rough makes me happier than you’ll ever know.

You’re truly one of my favorite people on the planet, and it’s not just because you’re my son. I love spending time with you, I love your different takes on the world, I love how sweet you are even though I’m sure you don’t want anyone to know it, and I love you. I’m so happy that I get to be your mom.

 

You’re my bestest boy,

Mom

5,840 days

 My Lottie,

When I think about you turning 16 today, I truly don’t know where the time has gone. It feels like yesterday that you were taking your first wobbly steps or telling people that Dallas’s name was Buster Brown or going to preschool to play with the baby dolls. Now you’re 16, and your whole life is stretched out before you just waiting for you to fly.

In some ways, you haven’t really changed too much since you were little. Your big, beautiful blue eyes see things with wonder. You have always been curious, but now you’re just curious about different things. Sometimes you come up with the goofiest questions, and other times you stun me with your insight. I really don’t ever know what you’ll come up with next, and it delights me to no end.

You are one of the most loyal people I have ever known. The phrase “ride or die” was probably coined to describe you. You love with your whole heart and soul; I know how difficult that can be because loving hard can also mean big disappointment sometimes. Anyone who is lucky enough to have you in their corner is getting a friend who will never let them down. High school is a tough time for friendships and finding yourself, but you have remained the calm in the eye of the storm.

Even though it is bittersweet to watch you grow up, I am having so much fun seeing who you are becoming. You constantly amaze me with your kindness not just to people you know but also complete strangers. Almost every time we go somewhere, you offer to help someone carry something or you compliment someone on their hair or outfit. You make people smile everywhere you go. The wondrous thing to me is that all of that comes naturally to you; you don’t think twice about engaging with people and making their days better.

I’m so proud of how hard you’re working at school, both in academics and your extracurricular activities. I love that you are able to share SDMT with Dad and that you genuinely enjoy it. It thrills me that you’re not afraid to share your opinion, even if it’s not a popular one. You’re learning important skills from both SDMT and choir that will transfer to whatever career you choose in the future. You’re absorbing lessons daily, and you’re maturing before my eyes.

Be that as it may, you’re still a goof. You make me laugh every day whether you mean to be funny or not. Even when you’re not trying to be funny, you have the rare ability to laugh at yourself. I feel like there is no in between for you: you either take things very seriously or not seriously at all. It’s always interesting to see which topics or happenings fit into which category. One thing is for sure: you keep us on our toes.

I couldn’t be any prouder of who you are and who you’re becoming. Stay true to yourself and don’t ever change for someone else. The right people will always love you for you: your beauty, kindness, joy, sensitivity, intelligence, humor, and light. You are one of my bestest things, and I love you the most.

All my love,

Mom

5,110 days

 My love,

I can hardly believe that you arrived in my life fourteen years ago. It feels like not too long ago that you were holding my hand in parking lots, sitting on my lap to hear a book, and falling asleep in the car with your thumb firmly tucked in your mouth. So many things have happened in the blink of an eye. 

This last year has been something for you and for everyone.  From the very beginning of the pandemic, you missed out on a lot. The day you all were sent home from school, you were supposed to do a performance of the variety show that you never got to do. You missed dances, sports, time with friends, and extra-curricular activities. There were no summer camps, no sleepovers, no vacations, no watching fireworks with pals. I know that you missed all of the socializing, and maybe school a teeny bit, but you were mature throughout all of the uncertainty. You very rarely complained, and when you did, it was only to blow off steam. You have always understood that Dad and I have been trying to keep our family as safe as possible, and you haven't held it against us. You have accepted what needs to be done better than many adults I know. 

Speaking of Dad and me, I know we drive you absolutely bananas sometimes most of the time. (I also know that it's mostly Dad, but I'll throw myself under the bus, too, so he doesn't feel so bad.) Despite how annoying we must be, you're pretty good about listening and letting us do our thing. Yes, there are eye rolls and stomping and door slamming from time to time, but even your teenaged behavior isn't terrible. You still make us laugh so much that it's difficult to stay mad at you. I don't know how Dad and I were so lucky to get such funny kids, but we're grateful for it every day. 

I have watched you grow an incredible amount in the last year. Physically, you're taller than I am now, and you get a disturbing sense of joy in reminding me how "low" I am. You'll be getting your braces off very soon, and what could have been a painful process has been smooth with you. On the rare occasions that you were in pain, you bore it with strength and the knowledge that it wouldn't last too long. You're working hard at school, and it shows. You're also always trying to get better organized. I know it isn't really your thing, but I appreciate the effort. The growth that has astonished me, though, is your emotional growth. I love how many new things you have tried: cross country, basketball, and even running for and winning president of Builders Club! Once you decide you're gong to do something, it's done. You have learned to stand up for what you feel is right even when it's a difficult or unpopular thing to do. I have seen you do this for your friends and for people you don't even particularly like: you always root for the underdog and for what is morally right. You have realized that having toxic people in your life isn't worth the pain they cause, and good friends are worth their weight in gold. I love that you still tell me every detail of your day; well, maybe not every detail but most of them. Every time you tell us a story about something that happened at school or on a Zoom with your friends, I feel like I know you a little better. For someone your age, you're not judgmental at all. You accept everyone for who and what they are, no matter what. You're kind, compassionate, forgiving, caring, and fierce: I can't think of a better combination. 

Everyone says how hard it is to watch your kids grow up. It's certainly bittersweet, but I'm having the best time watching who you are becoming. Keep fighting the good fight, even when you're tired or scared, and know we will always be right behind you. Continue to laugh as much as you can and stay close to your broham. I know you all like each other more than you're willing to admit. He'll forever be in your corner, too, just as I know you'll be in his. 

You are everything I never knew I longed for and exactly what I always wanted.  I am so damn proud of you, and I hope you never forget it. 

Love you the mostest,

Mom

4.380 days

 My love,

As we continue the craziness that has been 2020, you are twelve years old. Having a middle school boy is a whole new thing for me. I remember middle school boys as smelly, confusing, and strange creatures, but so far, you have exceeded my memories and my expectations.

I know it has been a bummer of a calendar year. We cancelled vacations, you missed summer camps, and you missed the last hurrah of elementary school. I'm sure you have been disappointed, but throughout it all, you have kept a positive attitude. The funny thing is that I'm not sure if you really felt fine about everything or if you were just worried that I would be worried. You're not a fan of other people being disappointed. 

You continue to grow and change in ways that constantly amaze me. You still like to observe things from the sidelines sometimes, but you're starting to jump into new experiences with both feet. You have really enjoyed things like camping and fishing, although I have no earthly idea where you get that because Dad and I are more indoorsy kind of people. I'm so proud of the way you have embraced Boy Scouts. Even though you're one of the youngest in your troop, that doesn't seem to bother you in the least. You can hold your own with the older kids, and you're willing to try different tasks to earn merit badges. One of your newest interests is cooking, and I love our grocery store "dates" to pick out different things for you to try.

 

One thing that hasn't changed is how ridiculously smart you are. Your favorite books are non-fiction about science, history, or trivia, and once you pick up a book, you rarely put it down until you're done. I honestly don't know where you learn half the stuff you know, but you know an awful lot. I feel like I spend a lot of time saying, "Really? How do you know that?" You usually just smile and shrug your shoulders, so I guess it will remain a mystery to me. I mean, obviously it's the books, but you still know a lot for a kid. 

You're also still quite the perfectionist about certain things. You always like to do well in academics, video games, or anything new you're trying. I can tell that you're maturing, though, because you don't get so mad anymore if you don't do something well on the first try. This is going to be a mindset that becomes more and more important as you get older, so I hope that you hold on to that feeling of knowing that practice will make things easier. I also hope you know that you don't have to be perfect or even good at everything you do: you're going to be great at so many things as it is, and you don't have to excel all the time. Keep growing your patience, and it will serve you well in all phases of your life. 

As you get older, your sense of humor gets even drier, and I wasn't sure that was possible. You're so quick-witted, and I guarantee that you don't know exactly how funny you are. Your humor really showcases who you are. You're not funny for attention or laughs: you're just usually observing life with your arid pleasantries. You have still maintained your compassion for other people, and I know you don't like to see anyone down or upset. You may not know exactly what to say or do to make someone feel better, but you always try to do something. 

I know that spending time as a family is getting less and less cool for both you and Lottie, but those are some of the best times in the world for me. I love our family movie nights and introducing you guys to some classics...and maybe there have been some clunkers in the bunch. You do your best to see the positive in what we do together, and I appreciate it more than you know. I hope that you never stop coming in to kiss me on the nose when it's time to say goodnight. 

You are a true gift to me in every sense of the word. I don't know how I go so lucky, and I don't take that for granted. Stay sweet, my lovely boy, my one and only young man. Twelve is going to be your best year yet.

All my love,

Mom