5,110 days

 My boy,

Today you are 14 years old, and I could swear that just last week, you were only 4.

Each year, you continue to grow into an incredible young man. This year, especially, you're taking the growing part quite seriously. You're at 6'0" now, and I don't doubt that it will be too long before you're even with Dad. You're my go-to for putting away things in the kitchen that go on high shelves or for changing lightbulbs so I don't have to drag out a ladder. You're quite fond of patting me on the head after these chores and affectionately calling me your "low" mother. Most of your summer was spent eating and sleeping, and every time I have to crane my neck up to talk to you, I'm reminded of the hard work it takes for the teenaged body to grow strong and the brain to grown smart. 

Speaking of , you're still as smart as you have ever been. You have an incredible recall for things you have read or seen, even if it was only briefly. I love when you dole out trivia and tidbits about things that you know will interest me. Having a conversation with you is always fascinating because I never quite know the direction it will take. Just remember that intelligence is more than good grades, and don't let that be the only thing that defines you. 

I'm proud of the way you continue to try new things. Sometimes they don't suit you, and you're embracing that it's okay if you decide that an activity isn't for you. Dad and I are impressed with how you are teaching yourself to play guitar. I love when I'm in my bedroom at night and I can hear you practicing in the basement. I know that you're searching for your "thing," but I want you to remember that you're still young, and you have time to find your passion whether it be your career or something you like to do in your free time. It will find you when the time is right; have faith. 

Your sense of humor is one of my favorite things about you. It ranges from typical-middle-school-boy hilarity to very sharp and witty. Between you, Lottie, and Dad, I'm always laughing, even at times when I would rather not. Even though your humor is on point, it's never cruel, and I appreciate that. Life is hard enough without malice disguised as something that is supposed to be funny. 

I know it's not necessarily cool for a boy your age to be kind, but you are. You get frustrated like every other human on the planet, but to your very core, you are a gentle and sweet soul. I also know how difficult it can be to keep that part of yourself locked away for self-preservation, and that's why it means so much when you share that side of yourself with me. You make time for your friends when they need you even if you're not quite sure what to say. Even though we have come a long way as a society, vulnerability is still not a quality that is celebrated, especially for young men. I hope that you don't ever lose the kindness that is a huge part of who you are. And watching you love our crazy, demanding dogs reminds me that you are the animal whisperer of the family. Remember how the cats at the restaurant on Tybee Island were drawn to you? They can all sense that you have so much goodness inside you and not an ounce of harm. 

I'm incredibly proud to be your mom. My wish for you this year is to find your voice and your confidence: you have a lot to say and you deserve to be heard. Be bold and know what you have to share is important. Ask for help when you need it because that's a sign of strength, not weakness. No matter what, know you can always talk to me. 

You are my best boy, and you are so loved,

Mom 

4,015 days

My sweet boy,

This year for your birthday, I'm going to do something a little different. Because you are turning 11 (!) today, I'm going to share 11 reasons I love you.

Eleven reasons I love my boy (in no particular order)

1. You are hilariously funny. Almost every day, you say something that makes me laugh hard. Most of the time, I don't think you have any idea how funny you are because it's just WHO you are. Although you are an eleven year-old boy who loves scatalogical and slapstick humor, a lot of what you find humorous is rather highbrow. I'm not entirely sure people your own age understand your humor sometimes, but that doesn't seem to stop you from enjoying what you really enjoy.

2. Part of why you have such a sophisticated sense of humor is because you're whip smart. Ever since you were a toddler, you have done and said things that have amazed me. You absorb facts and statistics in the blink of an eye, and you constantly amaze me with bits of trivia you have learned from something you read. I know you love your video games, but you're just as happy with a good book in your hand. I'm so proud that you're well-rounded in your knowledge and your interests.

3. Being sensitive tends not to be cool, but I think you're very cool. Good or bad, happy or sad, you  feel all of your emotions with your whole heart. You save worms in the driveway and caterpillars in the street; you truly feel that their lives have just as much meaning as ours. You hate to disappoint anyone or hurt their feelings because you know how that feels, and you hate it. I don't think you expect everyone to be happy all the time, but you certainly don't want anyone to be sad.

4. In the last year, the biggest change I have seen in you is your willingness to try new things. You have gotten into fishing, and you seem to enjoy that quiet time to yourself. You have done dodge ball, theater classes, surfing on the sand at Folly Beach: things I never thought you would do. The older you get, the more confidence you are finding within yourself, and that makes me incredibly happy.

5. You're a rule follower who believes that life should be fair for everyone, and I admire this about you. Intellectually, you know that life really isn't fair, but that doesn't stop you for wanting it to be true. You know right from wrong, and you want justice for those who have been hurt unjustly. As long as you continue to follow your heart, I know you'll be fine when you have to choose between different paths to follow.

6. I'm fully aware that you and Lottie fight sometimes and have disagreements. I also know that you love each other. I mean, you're never going to admit that, not now, but I know you do. Even when you two are mad at each other for whatever reason, it blows over quickly and I smile because I hear you laughing together. When one of you has good news, you run to tell each other as soon as possible. Don't ever let anyone tell you that being friends with your sister is silly or weird; she was the first friend you ever had, and she'll always be there for you just like you'll always be there for her. Because...

7. Once again, I know it isn't cool to be sweet, but you are, kid. You worry about people and do you best to make them feel good. I think being sweet and kind is different from being sensitive, and I think it's lucky that you're both. You have the ability to read people and know what to do or say. You carry their pain in your heart until you know that everything is okay.

8. When you laugh, really laugh, you do it with your entire body. You roll on the couch, on the floor, and you let it all out. Seeing you laugh delights everyone around you, especially Dad and me. Your smile takes over your whole face, and a beautiful smile it is.

9. I adore the way you treat animals. From the time you were little, I rarely had to remind you to be gentle with pets because you always were. When you spend time with our dogs, you're not mindlessly petting them but really playing or just having quiet time with them. I think that's why they love you so much; they know that you would never hurt them and that you love them for who they are. They're so lucky that you're their boy.

10. You know how to have fun, but you also take things pretty seriously. I think you're determined to be the best you can be at everything you do, and if you're not good at it, it's dumb. You're getting better at giving yourself a break, though, and realizing that you don't have to be perfect at everything. Life takes practice, and most of the time, the only way to get through something is to go right through it.

11. You are one of the shining stars in my life. I'm beyond grateful that you're mine. There are so many more than eleven things that I love about you, but if I were to list them all, this blog post would never end. Thank you for being unapologetically you. I love who you are, and I always will.

I love you the most of the most,
Mom

2,555 days

My darling boy,

Today you are seven years old, and those years have flown by in the blink of an eye.  You are growing and changing every single day, but at your very core, you are still the sweet boy you were on the day you were born.

Your sixth year was fraught with change and uncertainty as Dad went through all of his treatments.  Throughout the process, you asked so many intelligent questions about what was happening, and you went off to think about the answers in your own way, in your own time.  You were so brave even though I know you were scared.  Like Dad, change is not your thing, but you handled everything with a grace and maturity that I didn't know you had.

You have done a lot and learned so much during this past year.  You ride your two-wheeler like a champ, and you love to ride around the driveway in the morning before school.  You lost some teeth, and your jack-o-lantern smile melts my heart every time I see it.  Kindergarten was fantastic for you because you made so many new friends and came home each day with new facts.  I loved hearing you say that you missed school during the summer because you wanted to see your pals.  I think you enjoyed summer camp for the most part, but I also know that you were happiest at home with me, reading a book or finding shapes in the clouds.  You have also learned to whistle and snap; I always know where you are in the house because I can hear you singing or whistling or snapping all over the place.

You have an innate sense of justice that I love; you can't stand to see anyone or anything mistreated.  If you find a spider in your room, you always want me to catch it and put it outside instead of squashing it.  Violence of any kind makes you sad, even when you know it's just a movie or something pretend.  You are a creator at heart, not a destroyer.  I think that's why you love playing Minecraft so much: you can build your own world just how you want it.  And when it comes to your family, you give so much more than you realize.  One of your favorite things to do is create a "store" in your room, and you invite us all to choose something to keep.  We play along and put everything back at the end of the night, but your face lights up when we make our selections.  You would give away your most prized possessions if you thought that would make someone else happy.

Of course, you're also a stereotypical little boy in some ways.  Any sort of joke about a bodily function is enough to make you fall off a chair with laughter.  You laugh with your entire body, and that makes me laugh even harder.  Stinky feet pass for great comedy around here, and I often hear Lottie exclaiming, "DAAAAAAALLAS" when she is sick of your jokes.  You two fight more than ever now, but you also stand up for each other with strength and fierce love.  I am confident that no one will ever hurt you while your sister is around, and I know you will always protect her.  One of my favorite things to do is listen you talk to each other right before bedtime because sometimes you tell her things that you haven't told me.  I'm so glad that you have her in your life, and she is beyond lucky to have you as a brother.

If I had one wish for you in your seventh year, it would be this: continue to be exactly who you are.  You're crazy-smart, kind, generous, funny, curious, and gentle.  As you grow, you might start to feel that it isn't cool to be sweet, but I hope you can ignore that feeling.  I love when you cuddle with me and tell me how much you love me.  I love that you still hold hands in a parking lot.  I love that you still try to sit in our laps even though you really don't fit.  Basically, I love how strongly you love, and I hope with all my heart that you never lose that.  Not too many adults, let alone kids, know who they are, and you are one of the lucky few to know that about yourself at such a young age.  Hold on to that, baby, and don't let anyone try to change the beautiful boy you are.

Dad and I are ridiculously proud of you and the way you complete our little family.  Thank you for bringing us so much laughter and love.

With all my love,
Mom