6,205 days

 

My boy,

Today, you are seventeen. I feel like I just put you down for the night in your Thomas the Tank bed after reading you a book about transportation vehicles. It’s trite but true: time has absolutely flown by.

You have begun your junior year, the hardest in high school, I think. I know you’ll work hard as you always do. What I want the most, though, is for you to make time to have fun and hang out with your friends. Life is short, bud, and I want you to make the most of it.

Dad and I think it’s wonderful that you tried out for and are now part of the Varsity Singers at school. I know that being on stage isn’t usually in your wheelhouse, but it’s important to move out of your comfort zone when you can. When we watched the VS show after the summer camp, I couldn’t stop smiling. What a joy to be part of such a talented group of kids.

I love the way you’re always willing to help people, whether pet sitting while they’re on vacation or plant sitting for the same reason. They trust you because you’re hard-working, kind, and dependable. I’m not sure I would say that about every teen I know. You’re also incredibly kind and generous. I know you would do anything for your friends and family, but it’s also the little things like putting a bug outside instead of squashing it or reassuring me that I’m still a good cook when I mess up a new recipe. You have a gentle soul. I know that’s not cool to admit, but I hope you embrace it. With all the hate in the world, we need men like you who aren’t afraid to be kind.

When I watch you and Lottie interact, my heart swells. You’re goofy and patient, and I hope so much that your sibling relationship gets stronger all the time. I want you two to count on each other and help each other through the craziness of life.

I love how witty you are. You’re smart, of course, but you’re funny, too. You know so much about things that make my head spin. I enjoy listening to you talk about history, politics, and books. You’re good at math and science, and you understand all the logic and need for structure in both subjects. At heart, though, I think you’re a guy who embraces the beauty of the world that exists outside of the physical. I love spending time with you because you always give me something to think about. 

My wish for your seventeenth year is for you to be kind to yourself. We all have expectations of what we should do and who we should be, but please remember that humans are fluid and ever changing. The person you are now isn’t the person you were five years ago, nor will you be the same person in five years. Your heart will always be kind, inclusive, and loving, and your mind will always be open. Other than that, the world is your oyster. Allow yourself to find joy in the unknown, even if it seems a little scary at first.

I am ridiculously proud of you, and I am prouder every day. Knowing you is a privilege. 

Love you, my best boy,

Mom

3,650 days

My girl,

Ten years ago today, I had no idea how much my life was going to change.  You burst into our lives on a balmy January morning, and we haven't been the same since.

I distinctly remember taking you home from the hospital.  Dad's speed as we drove down Man O' War Boulevard was around 20 miles per hour because he was so nervous about having a baby in the car.  When we got home, I felt so overwhelmed that I looked at Dad and said, "What do we do now?"

Despite my first-time mom nerves, you immediately flourished.  From the beginning, you have treated life like the great adventure that it is.  There have been very few things that scare you, although from time to time, your fearlessness has frightened me.  As you grow older, you're still an open book, and you still like to take chances.  There have been many times we have shaken our heads and wondered what you were thinking with various choices, but you explain your reasoning with such earnestness that's it's hard to get mad or stay mad for too long.  Almost every conversation we have is peppered with "Yeah, but what if...?" from you.  That can be a slippery slope, but I know that at least half of the time, your mind is whizzing along with all of the what-ifs spinning around in it.  That must be exhausting, because on the rare occasions that you crash, you crash hard.  As a matter of fact, you rarely do things without doing them full-tilt boogie.

Your emotional intelligence has grown in leaps and bounds over the last year.  You're fairly even-keeled for someone who loves to be a total goofball.  I think one of the reasons you enjoyed your acting class so much was that it gave you a chance to really shine on stage instead of having to contain your hilarity to our house and our family.  Don't get me wrong: I love your humor, and I love that you make me laugh each and every day.  I was so proud, though, to watch you perform so well in front of others.  You constantly surprise me with your grace and poise.

As always, you are a wonderful sister to Dallas.  I know it's hard sometimes to be older and expected to watch over him, but it's truly in your nature to make certain he is always included and safe.  One of the best sounds in the world to me is hearing you both laugh together no matter where you are or what you're doing.  Keep being a good sister to him, and that goodness will come back to you the rest of your life in the form of your friendship with him.  After all, there are not too many people who see you at your best and your worst and still adore being with you quite like a sibling does.

Your kindness makes me want to be a better person.  You have never met an enemy in your life, and I don't imagine that will change any time soon.  You tend not to give up on people who have hurt your feelings, and you still find a way to stick up for yourself.  We desperately need that in the world, and I have no doubt that you will continue to sparkle in that capacity as an adult.  It makes me so happy to know that you are the future of our world.

Staying focused on one thing has never been on your agenda.  It used to worry me until I stopped to really think about it.  You're not afraid to try new things to see if you like them, even if it means you won't really be good at them; conversely, you're not embarrassed to say that an activity isn't for you and move on to something else.  It reminds me of a quote by Oona D. Mulkey: "Don't cling to a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it." Somehow, you have the ability to realize that not everything has to be a stepping stone to your future life path; sometimes, things are just fun to do for the experiences alone.  You know how to laugh at yourself, and I admire that trait in a kid your age.  We all goof up, and if we can't laugh about it later, life is going to get pretty tedious. You have taught me that life doesn't have to be so serious 24/7 and that there is always time for dessert.
 

As the first kid, you're the one we have probably messed up with the most because we're just learning ourselves.  With each new phase of your life, I think Dad and I are getting more confident with our decisions, but we always will worry that we're not doing something right for our baby.  As you get older, we have to loosen our grip a bit, and that is going to be bittersweet.  Be patient with us.  We love you more than anything in the world, and we're trying our best every day to help mold you into a decent human being.  You have made it easy, though, because love and joy and forgiveness radiate from the depths of your soul.

I honestly don't know where life is going to take you.  I can tell you for sure, though, that I am thrilled to be along on the ride with you.  I am eager to see what your future holds and how far you will soar.  My birthday wish for you is to continue holding constant joy and warmth in your heart. Keep your genuinely sweet way of looking at the world for as long as you can because it is a huge part of who you are, and who you are is absolutely perfect.

Happy Golden Birthday, baby!!  Ten is going to be a fabulous year.
I love you, my bunny,
Mom

2,920 days

Dallas,

Today you are eight years old.  For some reason, this seems like a strange, in-between age because you're not quite big but you're not a baby anymore.

You're definitely growing and changing, even from day to day.  You are trying more things now, things that used to scare you or simply make you uncomfortable.  I don't think you are ever going to be a huge risk taker, but you're getting braver all the time.  I couldn't believe the number of crazy rides you and Lottie rode at the fair this year; you laughed and screamed and smiled while I stood watching from the sidelines.   That's good, though, and it makes me happy.  It means you're growing up and gaining independence, and that is what Dad and I have always tried to help you do.

You are still quite the rule follower at school, but I have noticed you beginning to test things a little at home.  Good for you!  Most of your actions are done with good humor and silliness, but I'm glad to see you breaking out of your shell a tiny bit.  After all, you're never going to learn from your mistakes if you don't allow yourself to make any.

You're ridiculously and adorably honest at all times.  If you don't want to do something, you have no problem just saying no politely and moving on. You don't feel the need to over-explain or lie; you just don't want to waste your time on something that doesn't interest you.  You are also insanely funny.  I don't think you even know how funny you are sometimes, but when you spout off some hilarious phrase with your serious voice and a glint in your eye, you absolutely make my day.

In some ways, you're still the same boy you have been since you were little.  One cross word makes your head go down and your lip tremble, even if you're not the one in trouble.  You take other people's pain as your own, and you try to prevent sadness for anyone whenever you can.  You're slowly learning that you can't stop bad things from happening, that you can only control your own reaction to those things.  

You love to cuddle and snuggle, especially at night, and you get a lot of joy from doing things for other people.  The thought of someone being bullied or left out makes you angry and sad, and I'm proud when you take the steps to help a friend.  You still take my hand when we walk through a parking lot, and I know that won't last too much longer.  While I have it, I relish feeling your warm, not-so-small hand holding on to mine.

Of course, you still love your Xbox, and this year you have moved more into being obsessed with Terraria, although Disney Infinity, Minecraft, Lego Dimensions, and Skylanders are all on the radar, too.  You enjoy reading almost as much as you like video games, and it makes my heart happy to walk by your room when you're lolling on the bed with a book.

Although it seems to get harder, you are a wonderful brother to Lottie.  As you both grow, you're arguing a little more, but I know that despite it all, you are there for each other when it counts.  Even when she bugs you, try to remember that she was your first best friend, and she will always be in your corner.

My wish for you this year is that you always continue to be the amazing boy that you are.  Keep loving and full-body laughing.  Ask for help when you need it, and give help where you can.  Remember that being kind is always the best choice to make, but don't ever let anyone put you down or treat you badly.  Stand up for what you know in your heart is right.

I love seeing you gain more and more confidence in yourself.  You can do so many things if you have

faith in your abilities and just give it a shot.  You're an incredibly smart kid, and you're resourceful, as well.  You have everything it takes to be great, and all I want is for you to be the best version of you that you can be.  Don't put so much pressure on yourself to be something or someone you're not.  You are SO loved just the way you are.

Thank you for making our family complete.

I love you, and I love you, and I love you,
Mom

2,555 days

My darling boy,

Today you are seven years old, and those years have flown by in the blink of an eye.  You are growing and changing every single day, but at your very core, you are still the sweet boy you were on the day you were born.

Your sixth year was fraught with change and uncertainty as Dad went through all of his treatments.  Throughout the process, you asked so many intelligent questions about what was happening, and you went off to think about the answers in your own way, in your own time.  You were so brave even though I know you were scared.  Like Dad, change is not your thing, but you handled everything with a grace and maturity that I didn't know you had.

You have done a lot and learned so much during this past year.  You ride your two-wheeler like a champ, and you love to ride around the driveway in the morning before school.  You lost some teeth, and your jack-o-lantern smile melts my heart every time I see it.  Kindergarten was fantastic for you because you made so many new friends and came home each day with new facts.  I loved hearing you say that you missed school during the summer because you wanted to see your pals.  I think you enjoyed summer camp for the most part, but I also know that you were happiest at home with me, reading a book or finding shapes in the clouds.  You have also learned to whistle and snap; I always know where you are in the house because I can hear you singing or whistling or snapping all over the place.

You have an innate sense of justice that I love; you can't stand to see anyone or anything mistreated.  If you find a spider in your room, you always want me to catch it and put it outside instead of squashing it.  Violence of any kind makes you sad, even when you know it's just a movie or something pretend.  You are a creator at heart, not a destroyer.  I think that's why you love playing Minecraft so much: you can build your own world just how you want it.  And when it comes to your family, you give so much more than you realize.  One of your favorite things to do is create a "store" in your room, and you invite us all to choose something to keep.  We play along and put everything back at the end of the night, but your face lights up when we make our selections.  You would give away your most prized possessions if you thought that would make someone else happy.

Of course, you're also a stereotypical little boy in some ways.  Any sort of joke about a bodily function is enough to make you fall off a chair with laughter.  You laugh with your entire body, and that makes me laugh even harder.  Stinky feet pass for great comedy around here, and I often hear Lottie exclaiming, "DAAAAAAALLAS" when she is sick of your jokes.  You two fight more than ever now, but you also stand up for each other with strength and fierce love.  I am confident that no one will ever hurt you while your sister is around, and I know you will always protect her.  One of my favorite things to do is listen you talk to each other right before bedtime because sometimes you tell her things that you haven't told me.  I'm so glad that you have her in your life, and she is beyond lucky to have you as a brother.

If I had one wish for you in your seventh year, it would be this: continue to be exactly who you are.  You're crazy-smart, kind, generous, funny, curious, and gentle.  As you grow, you might start to feel that it isn't cool to be sweet, but I hope you can ignore that feeling.  I love when you cuddle with me and tell me how much you love me.  I love that you still hold hands in a parking lot.  I love that you still try to sit in our laps even though you really don't fit.  Basically, I love how strongly you love, and I hope with all my heart that you never lose that.  Not too many adults, let alone kids, know who they are, and you are one of the lucky few to know that about yourself at such a young age.  Hold on to that, baby, and don't let anyone try to change the beautiful boy you are.

Dad and I are ridiculously proud of you and the way you complete our little family.  Thank you for bringing us so much laughter and love.

With all my love,
Mom