3,650 days

Dallas Simon,

You are officially double digits! You are no longer a little boy, but you're not quite a teen yet. This is a sweet time for me because you seem to still enjoy spending time with us, your family, but you're also gaining more independence by the day.

We have had another amazing year with you: vacations, summer fun, winter fun, school, camps, Scouts. You went to your first overnight camp this summer, and other than the bugs, you had a good time. I didn't sleep that week because I was convinced that you would call and want to come home. You stuck it out, though, and I'm so proud of you for stepping out of your comfort zone.

You're still definitely more comfortable with a schedule. Don't get me wrong: you loved the last summer mornings and afternoons of playing on the Xbox. But I know how you get anxious if you don't know what's going to happen, so I think the school year beginning again was secretly a relief for you. You're continuing to surprise me by learning new things constantly and trying new things. This year, you joined the Spell Bowl at school even though you weren't really sure if you wanted to. I hope you begin to understand, and I think you are, that being afraid of something is never as bad as the regret you feel when you don't try.

You did things at Cub Scout day camp that I never thought you would like, too. You loved fishing and archery; you even loved shooting the BB guns. Usually, anything remotely dangerous makes you nervous, and you tend to talk yourself out of attempting to face your fears. This time, though, you jumped in feet first, and I am thrilled for you.

As much as you love everything that has to do with technology, especially your video games, I still find you quite often in cozy silence with a good book. You constantly quote facts and statistics to us, and when I incredulously ask how you know so much, you simply shrug and say, "I read it somewhere." You say some of the funniest things I have ever heard, and I know that's in big part to everything you read. I love that you love all books, and I hope that you continue to read all throughout your life.

As you get older, you and Lottie tend to pick at each other more often. When it comes right down to it, though, you love each other. I know you make each other crazy sometimes, and I also know that will continue for quite a few more years. I hope so much that you find that you're friends later in life as well as brother and sister. With your good and loving heart, I'm sure that will happen.

Promise me that you will always hold on to your soft, loving, and charitable heart. I know it isn't considered cool for boys to be sweet and considerate, but I want you, and the rest of the world, to make it cool. Be kind to others. Always remember what's in your heart. Love whatever and whomever you want to love. Continue to do your weird Fortnite dances with abandon. Do your full-body laugh as often as you can. Keep gently removing bugs you find to a safe place where no one will step on them, and never apologize for protecting them. Roll around with Minny on the floor. Stay soft. Find your strength.Believe in yourself. Believe in all the good in the world.

Nothing in life is perfect: that's a hard concept for you as a perfectionist. But know this: you are the perfect son for me. I can't imagine what my life would be without you. Silly, dry, smart, sympathetic, precocious, snuggly, forgiving, and introspective you.

You are and will always be my best boy,
Mom

Best laid plans

I had a plan to write tonight about how busy and crazy life has been here lately with birthday parties, nights out, holiday happenings, visits to the doctor and ER, and the usual insanity.  That's what I planned, but you know what they say about best laid plans.

I found out this morning that I boy (M.) I knew from high school - a man now, of course - died.  I'm no spring chicken, but I'm also not at the point where my contemporaries should be dying.  We're still pretty young with kids and dreams and futures.  Only M. doesn't have a future now, and that's surreal.  It's surreal, and it's wrong.  He left behind a family who loves him, a career, the years ahead of him...

Maybe living each day like it's your last isn't so silly.  Maybe Tim McGraw was onto something with "Live Like You Were Dying." Every time I looked at my kids today, I thought about M.'s kids.  When I kissed Trevor after he came home from work, I thought about M.'s wife and how she would never get to kiss M. again.  His mom won't get to make him another birthday cake; his siblings won't hear his voice on the phone; the public won't get to see his new art; his daughters won't lean on his shoulder after their first heartbreaks.  It's wrong and it's sad and it's just damned unfair.

Someone I know posted a status update on Facebook today that said, "What if we all said, 'I'm going to make 2012 the best year of my life', then we all did it?"  (By the way, I think it's brilliant, Alex.)  What if we tried to do that every day?  We could be nicer to each other.  We could judge less. We could say what we mean and mean what we say.  We could live up to our responsibilities.  We could perform random acts of kindness.  We could accept others for who they are instead of who we want them to be.  We could live openly and honestly.  We could live simply.

We could smile more.  We could laugh more.  We could love more.  We could live more.  We could.

RIP, M.

Try a little tenderness

I usually avoid the news.  It's too depressing, and I tend to internalize all of the sadness.  I like happy news and uplifting stories; who doesn't?

As much as I hate the news, I know that I have to stay somewhat current and know what's happening in the world.  In the last week, I have read about a school shooting in North Carolina, the earthquake in Turkey, a horrific attack on a gay man in Scotland, the death of Gaddafi, and wild animals running loose in Ohio.  None of that makes me want to explore the world any further; it makes me want to just stay in my house with my family and cover my head up with a soft, cozy blanket.

And the news doesn't really end on CNN or MSNBC.  I see things in my every day life that make me sad.  Some things are little like people running red lights or litter all over the streets.  I don't watch too many commercials, but the political attack ads have already begun.  I witnessed a man start a fight with his significant other in a Burger King, and he cursed at her in front of their three children.  I mean, really? REALLY?

Here's what I want: I want kindness, compassion, love, and sympathy.  Yeah, yeah, yeah.  I know.  The world is a big, cold, ugly place and there's no room for fuzzy bunnies, flowers in our hair, and folk songs around the campfire.  But what if there is room for all of that and more?  Would it really be so hard to be kind to one another?  It wouldn't be.  Because along with all of the hate and violence, there is so much good in the world, too.

I've seen the good, so I know it's there.  I'd like to see more of it, though.  More stories about happiness and joy and forgiveness and hope.  I'm not normally a Pollyanna kind of gal, just ask Trevor.  However, I've had enough of the gloom and doom.  Let's focus on the positive, the gentle, the sweet, the loving, the kind, the beautiful, and the good in the world.  I work hard to show my children those qualities every day, and if I can do it, so can the rest of the world.

End of rant.  Have a lovely day.  :)