It's hard being the second kid sometimes. As parents, we know what crazy things the second kid will try based on what the first kid has done...if the first kid got caught. Second kids get the hand-me-down clothes, the unfinished baby books and photograph albums, and comparisons to the older sibling. As much as I try not to compare Lottie and Dallas, it happens. I'm only human.
Dallas is now in a phase that Lottie never really went through: the imaginary friend phase. Dallas's imaginary friends aren't the normal, run-of-the-mill friends, though. No, not for my boy. Dallas's imaginary friends are a skeleton and a ghost, and quite often, they all spend time together at a Halloween party or a Halloween store.
A few weeks ago, we took Lottie and Dallas to the local Halloween Express just to look at the costumes and decorations. Dallas made it approximately eight seconds in the store before losing his mind. I should have known not to even bother having him go inside when he started to quake at the inflated black cat at the entrance. He was pretty hysterical, so I took him outside with me. We couldn't even sit on the steps leading to the store, though, because the cat was looming over us. We sat in the car and listened to "Wheels on the Bus" ad nauseum until Lottie and Trevor emerged from the store, totally unscathed. Ever since then, Dallas has had a love-hate relationship with anything scary or Halloween-related. He loves to read Halloween books from the library, but he can't stand the thought of watching any Disney movie with a villain. (So, that basically leaves...nothing.) He constantly wants to talk about Halloween decorations, but when it comes to seeing them, he's still unsure. And now we have the new pals, the ghost and the skeleton. These imaginary friends don't hang out with us on a daily basis; I mean, I don't have to set a place at the dinner table for them or anything. But in a sense, they're always with us. Dallas is usually pretty precise with his words, but when it comes to the ghost and the skeleton, he tends to ramble. He talks about them on the swings, at school, in the bathtub, during snack time, in his bed, in the car...you get the picture. Often, the stories involve things he and his pals have done at a Halloween party or things they have seen at a Halloween store. And it's not just any party or store: Dallas always throws the party and he also owns the store.
Sometimes the skeleton brings cookies to Dallas's Halloween party. Once, the ghost pushed the skeleton into the water at Dallas's party, and Dallas had to save the ghost. Then the skeleton got a time-out. I wonder where this party is taking place? The YMCA? Lake Cumberland? California? And who administers the time-outs? 'Cause I know I'm not invited to these shindigs. The ghost seems to always be the victim of the skeleton's pranks; the skeleton has also been known to spit, hit, push, and kick other people. The worst of all of skeleton's traits, though, is his lack of sense of humor. Dallas often laments, "Only the skeleton doesn't know any good jokes."
I did a little research on the Internet about imaginary friends. Apparently, doctors used to think that kids who had imaginary friends were lacking something in their real lives: not enough friends or time with other children. The current perspective, though, is that kids who make up playmates tend to have better verbal skills and social understanding than kids who choose not to create friends. It also tends to be associated with strong creativity later in life. Imaginary friends are no longer considered a "red flag." Whew. My kid's not a freak; well, at least, not for that reason. ;)
Overall, I don't mind the skeleton and the ghost. In fact, I sort of like them. It's fascinating to hear the stories, and I'm glad that Dallas is included in the adventures. We've had some rough roads recently with Dallas's food allergies and him feeling left out at school; any form of inclusion he can get is pretty wonderful in my book, even if it's all in his mind. Because, after all, to quote Albus Dumbledore, "Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean it isn't real?"
Just thoughts from a housewife, mom, and former teacher living in the Bluegrass state.
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Monday, August 15, 2011
Take mine, please
Last week, Dallas had his yearly check-up at the allergist's office. I figured we'd be in and out quickly, but I was wrong. Shocking.
Lottie, Dallas, and I all trooped in to the exam room and waited for the doctor. When he came in, Dallas decided that it was a perfect time to lose his mind. There was crying, falling to the floor, and even some screaming. This time, it wasn't me! The poor doctor hadn't even touched Dal, just walked through the door. I mentally deflated a little then and there because I knew it wasn't going to be an easy visit. The doctor wanted to do scratch tests to gauge Dally's allergies to dairy and eggs. No problem, right? No problem for an adult, but for a not-quite-three-year-old kid in a state of utter despair, it was a problem. I wrestled off Dally's shirt, and the nurse did the control scratches and the allergy scratches. Then we waited. It seemed like we waited a VERY long time, but maybe it just felt like an eternity in that teeny, windowless room. I plied the kids with treats (M&M's and Skittles) to make the wait a bit easier. When the nurse came in to check Dallas's welts, she said, to my surprise, that Dally hadn't reacted to the egg scratch. The doctor returned and said he wanted us to get a blood test to confirm those results. I assumed it would be a finger prick, and I felt the first stirrings of dread when he sent us to a lab. I knew that wasn't good news: no need to go to a lab for a finger prick. So I dragged both kids to another building and into the lab. Once again, Dallas lost his mind and actually tried to flee the room. Smart kid. I filled out paperwork, tried to occupy Lottie, and kept an eye on Dallas to make sure he didn't sneak out. Multitasking at its best!
Then the really awful part began. I sat in the chair with Dal on my lap. I had to wrap my leg around his legs to ensure he didn't kick the woman drawing his blood, and I also had to hold one of his arms down and the other arm out straight so she could find a vein. He about jumped out of his skin when the woman wrapped the tourniquet around his arm, and I could feel myself starting to shake and tear up. I knew Dallas wouldn't see how upset I was, but I had to hold it together for Lottie. She was watching all of it with her big blue eyes, and I didn't want to scare her. The first time the woman got the needle in, Dallas moved too much, and she had to take it out. Then she tapped his other arm and I held him as tightly as I could. Meanwhile, I was also sweating like a pig out of stress and the fact that it was a BILLION degrees in that stupid room. It was the worst feeling to hold my son and know that someone was hurting him. I couldn't even look at his face to smile at him or reassure him. I just kept whispering in his ear that it would be over soon, but I doubt he could hear me over the wailing. When it was all finally over, he stopped crying immediately. He picked out a yellow crayon bandage and immediately said, "Can we get out of here now?" Yes, buddy. Right now. He fell asleep in the car - lots of trauma for one day - and continued to nap on the couch once we got home.
That night when Trevor came home, Lottie told him all about the afternoon and promptly burst into tears. I ran in to see what was wrong, and she sobbed, "I was so scared." My heart fell out of my chest. She hadn't seemed scared at the time, but I was so focused on Dallas that maybe I hadn't noticed. Score one for Worst Mommy Ever. I held her for a while and let her cry, and I apologized for not realizing how scared she had really been. Later, as I was putting Dallas to bed, he said, "I'm sorry I was scared about the blood, Mommy." Again, heart falling out of chest. I hugged him and told him that he hadn't done anything wrong. I told him he was a brave boy and I was proud of him.
The whole time we were in the lab, I knew it was awful. I knew Dallas was in pain, and I knew it couldn't be good for Lottie to watch all of it. But what I didn't tell the kids about my experience in the lab was that the entire time, I was silently thanking whatever higher power gave me healthy kids. The food allergies are Dallas's biggest health problem, and Lottie had her tonsils out. That's it. I don't have to spend a lot of time at doctors' offices or labs or hospitals, and for that, I'm grateful. Even though it was a harrowing afternoon for the kids, I know it could be worse. We're lucky. We're so incredibly lucky.
Lottie, Dallas, and I all trooped in to the exam room and waited for the doctor. When he came in, Dallas decided that it was a perfect time to lose his mind. There was crying, falling to the floor, and even some screaming. This time, it wasn't me! The poor doctor hadn't even touched Dal, just walked through the door. I mentally deflated a little then and there because I knew it wasn't going to be an easy visit. The doctor wanted to do scratch tests to gauge Dally's allergies to dairy and eggs. No problem, right? No problem for an adult, but for a not-quite-three-year-old kid in a state of utter despair, it was a problem. I wrestled off Dally's shirt, and the nurse did the control scratches and the allergy scratches. Then we waited. It seemed like we waited a VERY long time, but maybe it just felt like an eternity in that teeny, windowless room. I plied the kids with treats (M&M's and Skittles) to make the wait a bit easier. When the nurse came in to check Dallas's welts, she said, to my surprise, that Dally hadn't reacted to the egg scratch. The doctor returned and said he wanted us to get a blood test to confirm those results. I assumed it would be a finger prick, and I felt the first stirrings of dread when he sent us to a lab. I knew that wasn't good news: no need to go to a lab for a finger prick. So I dragged both kids to another building and into the lab. Once again, Dallas lost his mind and actually tried to flee the room. Smart kid. I filled out paperwork, tried to occupy Lottie, and kept an eye on Dallas to make sure he didn't sneak out. Multitasking at its best!
Then the really awful part began. I sat in the chair with Dal on my lap. I had to wrap my leg around his legs to ensure he didn't kick the woman drawing his blood, and I also had to hold one of his arms down and the other arm out straight so she could find a vein. He about jumped out of his skin when the woman wrapped the tourniquet around his arm, and I could feel myself starting to shake and tear up. I knew Dallas wouldn't see how upset I was, but I had to hold it together for Lottie. She was watching all of it with her big blue eyes, and I didn't want to scare her. The first time the woman got the needle in, Dallas moved too much, and she had to take it out. Then she tapped his other arm and I held him as tightly as I could. Meanwhile, I was also sweating like a pig out of stress and the fact that it was a BILLION degrees in that stupid room. It was the worst feeling to hold my son and know that someone was hurting him. I couldn't even look at his face to smile at him or reassure him. I just kept whispering in his ear that it would be over soon, but I doubt he could hear me over the wailing. When it was all finally over, he stopped crying immediately. He picked out a yellow crayon bandage and immediately said, "Can we get out of here now?" Yes, buddy. Right now. He fell asleep in the car - lots of trauma for one day - and continued to nap on the couch once we got home.
That night when Trevor came home, Lottie told him all about the afternoon and promptly burst into tears. I ran in to see what was wrong, and she sobbed, "I was so scared." My heart fell out of my chest. She hadn't seemed scared at the time, but I was so focused on Dallas that maybe I hadn't noticed. Score one for Worst Mommy Ever. I held her for a while and let her cry, and I apologized for not realizing how scared she had really been. Later, as I was putting Dallas to bed, he said, "I'm sorry I was scared about the blood, Mommy." Again, heart falling out of chest. I hugged him and told him that he hadn't done anything wrong. I told him he was a brave boy and I was proud of him.
The whole time we were in the lab, I knew it was awful. I knew Dallas was in pain, and I knew it couldn't be good for Lottie to watch all of it. But what I didn't tell the kids about my experience in the lab was that the entire time, I was silently thanking whatever higher power gave me healthy kids. The food allergies are Dallas's biggest health problem, and Lottie had her tonsils out. That's it. I don't have to spend a lot of time at doctors' offices or labs or hospitals, and for that, I'm grateful. Even though it was a harrowing afternoon for the kids, I know it could be worse. We're lucky. We're so incredibly lucky.
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