Deuces, 2020

 What a year, huh? Fabulous vacations, lots of get togethers with friends, peace on earth and goodwill towards men..

Source: Giphy 

So, yeah, it hasn't been what everyone wanted. I have learned a lot, though, and I wanted to share my end-of-the-year-that-feels-like-it-may-never-actually-end thoughts. 

1. The 24-hour news cycle is a mixed bag. It's amazing that we can know what is happening in another country in real time, but it's also overwhelming AF. It doesn't make decompression easy, and the amount of disinformation that is spread both deliberately and unintentionally is enough to pop my head right off my neck. I took a break from Facebook for those reasons, plus that site always ends up being a frustrating time suck/fantasy land for me. People are either very Vaguebooky and looking for sympathy or extolling the virtues of their perfect lives that we all know aren't perfect. (If you think I'm talking about you, don't @ me. What I think shouldn't bother you, and if it does, take that up with your own self.) I recently went back, but I'm thinking about becoming more of a FB expat at this point. 

2. I'm too old to compromise when it comes to friendship. I think friends are all in or all out: no deception, no shady stuff, no middle school games. Life brings enough drama as is, and I don't need anyone else's nonsense, especially when it's self-created. Shout out to all of my faithful friends who kept in touch this year with phone calls, emails, texts, GIFs, and general messages of love. You know who you are. 💖💖

3. I'm not an outdoors kind of gal. I can totally appreciate nature, but it doesn't bring me the peace it seems to bring others. I used to feel bad about that, but I don't anymore. I'm an indoors gal, and that's okay. 

4. Yes, the news about the coronavirus vaccine is AMAZING, but we're not all going to be immune tomorrow. Just wear the mask and don't get caught up in "BUT MUH FREEDUMS!!!" (This is less of what I have learned and more of a PSA. I would like to go on vacation as soon as humanly possible, so let's make the virus go away, please.) 

5. Lying is gross. I mean, I have always known that, but it has really become obvious in the last year, politically and personally. I sort of thought that was a lesson learned in Kindergarten, but apparently I was mistaken. (And I didn't even GO to Kindergarten.) If you need a refresher, here it is: tell the truth. 

6. Shelter-in-place has made me appreciate my family even more than I already do. It has also made me appreciate time alone.

7. Everyone should work on their souls at least as much as they work on their looks. Lots of people should think about this before getting more Botox or trying a new fad diet.

8. I thought I would have my house in tip-top shape post-shelter-in-place. I do not. If you do, my hat goes off to you. Well done! 

9. Instead of doing so much talking, take a minute to listen. Really listen and don't say a thing. I guarantee that you'll learn a lot. 

10. If someone needs help, you should help them if you can. It's simple, really, and it's the right thing to do. 

As we roll into 2021, I hope that I can remember and embrace these lessons. I'm figuring out how to be there for people but continue to live for myself. It's not always easy, but it's worth it, especially being able to show my children every day what it is to be a decent human being. Happy New Year, y'all. 

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

 Sigh. 

Our school system started classes on Wednesday, August 12. We had two options: in-person learning or remote learning. In theory, it's great. Families who wanted in-person learning got what they wanted, and families who wanted their kids at home got what they wanted. Except, it didn't really work that way for the remote learners. 

The remote learners were promised live-streamed classrooms and Zoom calls and lots of personal attention. Although I wanted to believe it would happen, I was skeptical. As it turns out, trying to deal with in-person students and remote students all at the same time has made our teachers stressed, tired, beaten down, and broken. 

VCS told the general public on July 31 that both in-person and remote learning would be offered. That gave the teachers twelve days before school started to get prepped to teach in a way they have never had to teach before. Just in case you missed it, read it again: TWELVE DAYS. That's not a lot of days, by the way. The teachers asked for more time to become familiar with how to use technology to better teach their students, and they were denied. They asked for teachers who could be remote-specific instructors, and they were denied. What we ended up with is giving all students in the district an elearning day on Wednesdays in order to give the teachers some time to catch up and breathe from dual-platform teaching. Now a petition written by an anonymous parent is going around saying that's a bad idea, too, so I guess we're just not allowed to have nice things. 

There was a school board meeting to discuss the change, and I was embarrassed and appalled at the attitudes of some of the parents. A lot of them are wondering why it's such a big deal because "live-streaming is easy"and why can't the teachers handle it. Um, not so much. Live-streaming may be easy when everyone has fantastic, up to date technology and WIFI for days. Live-streaming isn't so easy when teachers are using their laptops to live-stream and therefore cannot use their laptops for anything else, like teaching. Live-streaming isn't so easy when the Internet cuts out at least thrice during a class period. Live-streaming isn't easy when there are some students whose parents don't want their image being live-streamed into strangers' houses. Live-streaming isn't easy when a teacher has to sit in front of a laptop to teach in order to stay connected to the remote learners which means she can't walk around or connect with the in-person learners. And Zoom? It's okay, but if you have ever tried to get a group of kids on Zoom then you know how it's similar to herding a group of goslings mixed in with kittens. It's impossible to hear everyone, kids are using the chat area to write "poop" over and over, and most students end up holding up their household pets for the class to see. And before you get all anecdotal with me about how wonderful your children's experiences have been, just slow your roll. I taught university students remotely, and it wasn't all sunshine and roses. 

Other parents basically said that everyone is stressed, and teachers need to suck it up and get with the program. Oddly enough, many of those people are health-care workers, and I seem to remember the entire nation rallying around them when all this started in the spring. We threw money at the health care industry to help with the problem, and I don't see anyone offering to do that for education. As a matter of fact, I see people writing that they'll do anything to support teachers, but...If you really want to support teachers, there is no "but:" you just do it. Of course everyone is stressed. The pandemic is bizarro world, and it has flipped the universe upside down. But you know who I definitely don't want to be short-tempered, worn out, and frazzled? The dedicated people who choose to be with my children every day. I would prefer that the people who are teaching and influencing my kids on a daily basis are happy and calm and respected. I would also think that those of you who are squawking about wanting what is best for your kids would like to show them through your words and actions that you are behind their teachers one hundred percent. If we truly all want our kids to be in their best mindsets, we need to show them positivity from all sides, teachers and parents alike. 

Boycotting the Wednesday elearning days is detrimental to our students and to our teachers. Listen, we all want our kids in school full-time, able to socialize and laugh with their friends, participate in extra-curricular activities, and really enjoy themselves. I don't know anyone who doesn't want that. The fact is that we're not going to get what we want right now, and we need to deal with it. It's time to put up or shut up. 

Return to Learn

The last time I blogged here, the pandemic was in its infancy heading toward toddlerhood. I think by now, everyone hoped we would be past the teen years and into the years of middle-aged complacency, but there seems to have been a bit of a regression. I don't blame the virus, honestly. We acted like we were going to give it some space, and then we got all up in its business.

School starts in some way, shape, or form in about a month in my neck of the woods and even sooner for some schools that have a year-round or balanced schedule. We recently saw the Return to Learn plan sent by our school system: it was short, not to the point, and apparently couldn't anticipate the many, MANY questions teachers, staff, and parents would have about the numerous "what-if" scenarios.

Some of the highlights!
Masks are recommended but not enforced in the classroom, but they should be worn in the hallways. I hear constantly taking masks off and on is a solid idea.
Social/physical distancing is recommended and desks will be spread as far apart "as possible." Students will sanitize their desks themselves. I have picked up approximately ninety-three wrappers from Capri Sun straws today alone, and I have good kids who generally listen to me. It doesn't make me feel so great about the quality of sanitizing that will be done. Also, who is providing the sanitizing materials?
As long as students all face the same way in a classroom, no mask is needed because the virus only spreads in a linear fashion.  You know...science. The teacher should wear a mask, though, because reasons.
Students are encouraged to get rides to and from school in private cars; however, as far as I can tell, the football players will ride a school bus to games. I can only assume that sportsingball players have some sort of sweet immunity to the 'Rona.
Families will do their own health screenings at home. Whew! That's lucky because I know that parents don't pump their kids full of Tylenol in order to send them to school, and definitely no one will do it during a pandemic for fear of losing a job.
Students will minimize sharing materials and supplies. I mean, the joke writes itself with that one.

I quit Facebook a few weeks ago because it has turned into an utter trash heap. (I know, I know. I linked to this blog via FB. Don't @ me.) I hopped back on a few nights ago to find someone's name, and I saw a post about Valpo's back to school plan. On it, our mayor's wife told people that if they didn't like the Return to Learn plan, they should opt out and do e-learning instead. First of all, that's a super bad look politically. Constituents and all that political jazz. Second, being the mayor's wife doesn't give her the platform to attempt to school people, even if she tries to be PC about it.  Third, just...ew. That's an insanely Mean Girls look at the public education system, trying to pick and choose who can sit at the lunch table. Trying to convince someone that their opinion stinks about anything is difficult, but when that person has deep feelings about a subject important to him/herself, trying to have a logical conversation is akin to spitting into the wind. I typed quite a few responses to her, and then I realized that there was no point: it also reminded me of why I quit Facebook in the first place. <shudder>

I don't particularly care if her opinion, or anyone's for that matter, is different from mine. (It is for those of you keeping score at home.) My issue is in shaming the people who have honest fears about sending their children into the petri dishes of hell in thirty days. People like her are saying that public schools don't have to keep kids safe because that is the parents' job. To a certain extent, that's true. But these are the same people who are saying that kids need to get back to school so they can have meals and physical safety from possible abuse at home. You can't have it both ways and say that parents have to keep kids safe but that kids need school because they're not safe at home. Pick a lane. Getting kids back to "normalcy" is her idea, but it's deliberately obtuse to think that the fall semester will be anything like the normal we used to have. Nothing about this is normal.

Public schools do have an obligation to keep our children safe. That's part of why we do background checks for all volunteers and staff, tornado and fire drills, active shooter drills, anti-bullying programs, etc. Our schools are supposed to be equalizers, where all kids get what they need to be successful. Telling people to kick rocks if they don't like the school's return policy is like preying on someone who is already out of options: unhelpful and downright cruel. There are people in our community who don't have a real choice about what their students do come August 12, and I'm not here for the shaming that is cloaked in sickly-sweet concern.

If you want to send your kid back to in-person school because you truly feel it is the best option, go for it. If you're going to send your kid to school because you don't have a choice, I'm sorry, and I support you. If you are going to send your kid to school because you don't think we'll make it past mid-September with in-person learning, huzzah. If you want to keep your kid at home, I've got your back. If you want to withdraw your kid completely and homeschool, I have nothing to say to you. (I joke! I joke!) There are no right answers here; we have no real historical precedent for what is happening. If you feel like you know all the answers and have all the right things to say, Imma tell you that you don't, but I implore you to at least attempt to be kind and think about what other people are feeling. You might learn something, and we could all use the education.

Lockdown advice

I wouldn't say that I am normally an anxious person. Compared to Trevor, I am, but I think most people are compared to Mr. Laid Back. Overall, though, to steal from one of my favorite authors, Joan Didion, I'm pretty content to play it as it lays. 

The corona-cation has tested my ability to stay chill, though, as it has for so many others. And it's not even that I'm necessarily stressing because of how I really feel: I think I'm stressing because of all the information coming at me 24/7. I'm not just talking about the news, though. I know how to ignore the insanity of the 24-hour news cycle; I was born before one existed, and I'm good at blocking it out when need be.

The information that I am talking about is all the unsolicited advice from well-meaning people: the memes, the articles, the blogs (YES, I recognize the irony.)

Ignore all schedules! Hug your kids, make brownies, stay in pajamas all day, do crafts.

Stick to a schedule! Humans need schedules to feel centered. You'll feel better if you accomplish things during the lockdown. This is the time to learn something new, do something new, be someone new. 

Don't do the online work sent home by your kids' teachers! Teach your kids to cook, sew, change the oil in the car, garden, do the laundry, pay a bill. 

Make sure your kids get all of their schoolwork done! Grades still count. 

Be kind to yourself! Read fiction, write poetry, drink tea, nap, daydream, get fresh air. 

Stay informed! Read the CDC website, make masks, don't set foot outside your house. 

Make plans for the future! It's great to have something to look forward to. Think summer camps, vacations, the beach.

Don't make any plans! No one knows how long this is all going to last. 

If you're upset, show that emotion to your kids! They need to know that it's okay to share feelings during this time of uncertainty. 

Don't lose it in front of your kids! They need strength and reassurance now, not anything that will make them more anxious. 

See where I'm going with this? The overwhelming theme is DO IT BUT ALSO DON'T DO IT. If that were a thesis statement, I would not give it a decent grade.

Listen, the one truth that is absolute is that none of us knows what is going to happen. We can make educated guesses based on statistics and numbers, but we don't really and truly know. That's maddening. By sharing tips, tricks, and heartfelt sentiments, we're all just trying to help each other.  I suppose if one person is helped by one meme or reminder that it's okay to feel however you feel, it's worth it. But I tend to think that all of the advice can make people feel guilty about what they are or are not doing. 

So, what's my point? I guess it's that you should do what's right for you and not listen to everyone else. (Continue to listen to me, of course.)  Bake or don't bake. Read or don't read. Exercise or don't exercise. Clean or don't clean. Whatever gives you comfort and strength is what should be your main focus right now. I mean, wash your hands and stay home, but while you're at home, you do you, boo, with no apologies.