Deuces, 2020

 What a year, huh? Fabulous vacations, lots of get togethers with friends, peace on earth and goodwill towards men..

Source: Giphy 

So, yeah, it hasn't been what everyone wanted. I have learned a lot, though, and I wanted to share my end-of-the-year-that-feels-like-it-may-never-actually-end thoughts. 

1. The 24-hour news cycle is a mixed bag. It's amazing that we can know what is happening in another country in real time, but it's also overwhelming AF. It doesn't make decompression easy, and the amount of disinformation that is spread both deliberately and unintentionally is enough to pop my head right off my neck. I took a break from Facebook for those reasons, plus that site always ends up being a frustrating time suck/fantasy land for me. People are either very Vaguebooky and looking for sympathy or extolling the virtues of their perfect lives that we all know aren't perfect. (If you think I'm talking about you, don't @ me. What I think shouldn't bother you, and if it does, take that up with your own self.) I recently went back, but I'm thinking about becoming more of a FB expat at this point. 

2. I'm too old to compromise when it comes to friendship. I think friends are all in or all out: no deception, no shady stuff, no middle school games. Life brings enough drama as is, and I don't need anyone else's nonsense, especially when it's self-created. Shout out to all of my faithful friends who kept in touch this year with phone calls, emails, texts, GIFs, and general messages of love. You know who you are. 💖💖

3. I'm not an outdoors kind of gal. I can totally appreciate nature, but it doesn't bring me the peace it seems to bring others. I used to feel bad about that, but I don't anymore. I'm an indoors gal, and that's okay. 

4. Yes, the news about the coronavirus vaccine is AMAZING, but we're not all going to be immune tomorrow. Just wear the mask and don't get caught up in "BUT MUH FREEDUMS!!!" (This is less of what I have learned and more of a PSA. I would like to go on vacation as soon as humanly possible, so let's make the virus go away, please.) 

5. Lying is gross. I mean, I have always known that, but it has really become obvious in the last year, politically and personally. I sort of thought that was a lesson learned in Kindergarten, but apparently I was mistaken. (And I didn't even GO to Kindergarten.) If you need a refresher, here it is: tell the truth. 

6. Shelter-in-place has made me appreciate my family even more than I already do. It has also made me appreciate time alone.

7. Everyone should work on their souls at least as much as they work on their looks. Lots of people should think about this before getting more Botox or trying a new fad diet.

8. I thought I would have my house in tip-top shape post-shelter-in-place. I do not. If you do, my hat goes off to you. Well done! 

9. Instead of doing so much talking, take a minute to listen. Really listen and don't say a thing. I guarantee that you'll learn a lot. 

10. If someone needs help, you should help them if you can. It's simple, really, and it's the right thing to do. 

As we roll into 2021, I hope that I can remember and embrace these lessons. I'm figuring out how to be there for people but continue to live for myself. It's not always easy, but it's worth it, especially being able to show my children every day what it is to be a decent human being. Happy New Year, y'all. 

Lockdown advice

I wouldn't say that I am normally an anxious person. Compared to Trevor, I am, but I think most people are compared to Mr. Laid Back. Overall, though, to steal from one of my favorite authors, Joan Didion, I'm pretty content to play it as it lays. 

The corona-cation has tested my ability to stay chill, though, as it has for so many others. And it's not even that I'm necessarily stressing because of how I really feel: I think I'm stressing because of all the information coming at me 24/7. I'm not just talking about the news, though. I know how to ignore the insanity of the 24-hour news cycle; I was born before one existed, and I'm good at blocking it out when need be.

The information that I am talking about is all the unsolicited advice from well-meaning people: the memes, the articles, the blogs (YES, I recognize the irony.)

Ignore all schedules! Hug your kids, make brownies, stay in pajamas all day, do crafts.

Stick to a schedule! Humans need schedules to feel centered. You'll feel better if you accomplish things during the lockdown. This is the time to learn something new, do something new, be someone new. 

Don't do the online work sent home by your kids' teachers! Teach your kids to cook, sew, change the oil in the car, garden, do the laundry, pay a bill. 

Make sure your kids get all of their schoolwork done! Grades still count. 

Be kind to yourself! Read fiction, write poetry, drink tea, nap, daydream, get fresh air. 

Stay informed! Read the CDC website, make masks, don't set foot outside your house. 

Make plans for the future! It's great to have something to look forward to. Think summer camps, vacations, the beach.

Don't make any plans! No one knows how long this is all going to last. 

If you're upset, show that emotion to your kids! They need to know that it's okay to share feelings during this time of uncertainty. 

Don't lose it in front of your kids! They need strength and reassurance now, not anything that will make them more anxious. 

See where I'm going with this? The overwhelming theme is DO IT BUT ALSO DON'T DO IT. If that were a thesis statement, I would not give it a decent grade.

Listen, the one truth that is absolute is that none of us knows what is going to happen. We can make educated guesses based on statistics and numbers, but we don't really and truly know. That's maddening. By sharing tips, tricks, and heartfelt sentiments, we're all just trying to help each other.  I suppose if one person is helped by one meme or reminder that it's okay to feel however you feel, it's worth it. But I tend to think that all of the advice can make people feel guilty about what they are or are not doing. 

So, what's my point? I guess it's that you should do what's right for you and not listen to everyone else. (Continue to listen to me, of course.)  Bake or don't bake. Read or don't read. Exercise or don't exercise. Clean or don't clean. Whatever gives you comfort and strength is what should be your main focus right now. I mean, wash your hands and stay home, but while you're at home, you do you, boo, with no apologies.