6,570 days

 

Suddenly, you are eighteen.

From the minute I laid eyes on you, I knew that you would always be someone who did things on his own time. You slept for so long after you were born (probably because I was on approximately one billion milligrams of something that made me hallucinate) and all I wanted to do was hold you. I stared at your sleeping face and wondered who you would be. After that, you woke up and didn’t sleep again for what felt like years. Again, that wasn’t your fault; your stomach was upset due to the undiagnosed allergy. Dad and I took turns sitting in a recliner in the middle of the night to hold you. Even though we were both exhausted, things didn’t feel so bad when you were snuggling us.

As you grew, I watched you take in the world. You prefer to study and learn before jumping into any activity. You are measured, careful, and insightful, and those are wonderful qualities to have in a world where we expect things to happen instantly. I appreciate the thought you put into everything you do. When you were little, you used to sit in the living room and stare at the trees outside. I always wondered what you were thinking about, but I know it was probably something deep every time. You consider all options or sides of a story before making a final decision. 

With that thought comes your incredible intelligence. You’re doing so well at school, and I know you’ll thrive in college. But your smarts don’t stop with academics. You’re in tune with how people are feeling and what they need. You have a gentle nature that isn’t seen in many people your age, and that brings me so much joy. Most external things can be learned throughout life, but the kindness in you is something that can’t be taught. I’m so proud of your heart. With that big heart, you have attracted a great group of friends. I love that you’re comfortable bringing everyone to our place. Hearing you all laugh in the basement or make midnight kitchen raids is awesome because I know you’re all safe and having a good time just being yourselves.

Watching you grow this past year has been everything a parent could wish for. You continue to try new things even when they might be difficult. You’re committed to Varsity Singers and concert choir, determined to do everything you can. I know that senior year is going to bring a lot of work and so many decisions, but I am confident that you will end up exactly where you should be.

My birthday wish for you is to give yourself some grace. Life is messy and confusing sometimes, but it can also be full of hope and promise and delight. Let go of how you think things should be and accept them for what they are. Is that easy to do? Nope. Most adults don’t know how to do it. Meet things one at a time as they come; they tend to work themselves out whether we fret about them or not.

 

Today marks your first official day of adulthood. My mind understands that, but my heart still sees you as my baby. As Lottie is fond of telling me, soon we won’t have all the eggs in the same basket anymore. As much as I will miss you when you go off to school next summer, I know you’re ready. I hope you always know that Dad and I will be here when you need us. I am so proud of the man you’re becoming each and every day. Being your mom is the best thing I have ever done.

You’re my best boy, and I love you so,

Mom

6,935 days

My girl,

This is your final year of being a teen. (Insert my minor, very quiet freakout.) 

In the last year, you have had plenty of endings and even more beginnings. You finished high school and were voted by your peers to speak at graduation. Before your speech was even done that night, I started getting texts about what a fabulous job you had done. I haven’t had many opportunities to see you in your forensics mode, and I was spellbound. You were, and are, poised, smart, well-spoken, funny, and genuine. You and Dad went to the National Debate Tournament in Iowa and celebrated fifty years of the tournament’s existence. Your experience was marred by the presence of yet another gun, but you handled it better than I could have ever imagined. I hate that your generation has grown up with “Run, Hide, Fight” as the mantra of your childhoods, and I truly hope that you all will finally be the ones to do something about it.

 

You had a great summer working, having fun, hanging out with friends, and getting ready for college. It was such an odd feeling to drop you off and then drive six hours away. I knew you would be okay, though, and you were. After a bumpy start due to plenty of sickness in the dorm (Covid, pneumonia, bronchitis, hand, foot and mouth,) things started to fall into place for you. You learned how to study for college classes and find your way around campus, you made plenty of friends, and you settled into living away from home. Even with a change in your major, you’re well on your way to a degree. I’m grateful for technology because texting with you is easy and hilarious throughout the day. You have amazing stories to tell about your adventures at school, and I genuinely feel honored with how much you share with me.

One important thing I want you to remember is that none of this is set in stone. You can change your mind about what to study or where or when; you can change your mind about anything, and it will all be okay. Life has a way of throwing you curveballs, and you have to learn to be okay with things not going exactly as you wanted or expected. Dad always says, “Change BAD!” but I think change is all about growth and experience. Embrace it when you can, and when you can’t, call me so I can support you through it. (Don’t call Dad about that.)

I love that you have stayed connected with the important people in your life from high school, and I’m ridiculously pleased that you and Dallas talk without any prompting from me. Your sibling relationship is important, and I want you to nurture it. In eighteen months, you two will be even further apart physically no matter where he chooses to study, and I know you’ll be a great resource for him as he begins his college career. You’re such a diligent worker that the pharmacy is always happy to have you come back to work, and customers even ask for you by name. That just shows the size of your heart and the depth of your caring.

I find myself constantly impressed by you. You are killing it at school with your classes and with speech. I know it’s a lot of work and a lot of time, but you have stepped into it fairly easily. I know you have been doing some type of forensics for a while now but doing it at college is a whole other level. Through all of it, you remain kind, conscientious, and focused. You have such an incredible future ahead of you: please don’t ever question that. I know how scary and uncertain this time in your life can feel. Never forget that you have so much support and love to help you through everything.

I can’t wait to watch and see what you do, what beautiful, smart, entertaining, and loving things you will do.

 Love you so much,

Mom

6,205 days

 

My boy,

Today, you are seventeen. I feel like I just put you down for the night in your Thomas the Tank bed after reading you a book about transportation vehicles. It’s trite but true: time has absolutely flown by.

You have begun your junior year, the hardest in high school, I think. I know you’ll work hard as you always do. What I want the most, though, is for you to make time to have fun and hang out with your friends. Life is short, bud, and I want you to make the most of it.

Dad and I think it’s wonderful that you tried out for and are now part of the Varsity Singers at school. I know that being on stage isn’t usually in your wheelhouse, but it’s important to move out of your comfort zone when you can. When we watched the VS show after the summer camp, I couldn’t stop smiling. What a joy to be part of such a talented group of kids.

I love the way you’re always willing to help people, whether pet sitting while they’re on vacation or plant sitting for the same reason. They trust you because you’re hard-working, kind, and dependable. I’m not sure I would say that about every teen I know. You’re also incredibly kind and generous. I know you would do anything for your friends and family, but it’s also the little things like putting a bug outside instead of squashing it or reassuring me that I’m still a good cook when I mess up a new recipe. You have a gentle soul. I know that’s not cool to admit, but I hope you embrace it. With all the hate in the world, we need men like you who aren’t afraid to be kind.

When I watch you and Lottie interact, my heart swells. You’re goofy and patient, and I hope so much that your sibling relationship gets stronger all the time. I want you two to count on each other and help each other through the craziness of life.

I love how witty you are. You’re smart, of course, but you’re funny, too. You know so much about things that make my head spin. I enjoy listening to you talk about history, politics, and books. You’re good at math and science, and you understand all the logic and need for structure in both subjects. At heart, though, I think you’re a guy who embraces the beauty of the world that exists outside of the physical. I love spending time with you because you always give me something to think about. 

My wish for your seventeenth year is for you to be kind to yourself. We all have expectations of what we should do and who we should be, but please remember that humans are fluid and ever changing. The person you are now isn’t the person you were five years ago, nor will you be the same person in five years. Your heart will always be kind, inclusive, and loving, and your mind will always be open. Other than that, the world is your oyster. Allow yourself to find joy in the unknown, even if it seems a little scary at first.

I am ridiculously proud of you, and I am prouder every day. Knowing you is a privilege. 

Love you, my best boy,

Mom

6,570 Days

 My Lottie,

And now you are an adult. I laugh as I type that, though, because, as we have discussed, you’ll really always be my baby. In my mind and heart, you’re three or maybe four years old, listening to stories with wide-eyed wonder on your face asking us, “Whass gonna happen?”

The last six months or so have been a whirlwind of activity. Between working, school, SDMT, and socializing, you have been busy. It makes me so happy to watch you live your best life. I know that things get crazy and overwhelming sometimes, and I’m proud of you for learning to say no to things when you need to protect your peace. You’re a caretaker at heart, and I know you don’t like letting people down; I think it’s great to know your limitations and to realize that it’s okay to turn down offers to rest or just because you don’t feel like it. It’s an enviable quality that many adults don’t have, let alone a newly-minted adult.

I know that ending something can be bittersweet and scary; however, I think you’re ready to put high school in your rearview mirror. It was a rough patch when you had pneumonia and mono at the same time. You missed some senior activities and so much school. You persevered and made up all the work while also doing the work that was happening at that time in your classes. Honestly, you rocked it. Overall, high school hasn’t been terrible, and you have done a lot of maturing. It’s time, though. It’s time for you to move on to your next journey to the University of Wisconsin Eau-Claire. I am going to miss you desperately, and it doesn’t help that you have already been teasing me about that for months. But as much as I’ll miss you, I’m excited to watch you take flight. You have the skill and the drive to get whatever you want out of life, and I can’t wait to see what you’ll do. Promise me that you’ll make time for fun, too. (I think Dad would want me to add not too much fun, though.)

When you’re up north next school year, I hope you realize that you’re capable of so many great things. I know that being away from home for the first extended period of time can be scary, but you’re up to the challenge. You know you can always call us or come home any time you need to, although I have a feeling you’re going to adapt to college life quite well. If you don’t, though, it’s not the end of the world. I hope you know in your soul that Dad and I always have your back.

You’re good at that, having people’s backs. You’re a fiercely loyal friend, sister, and daughter. If people mess with someone you love, it’s curtains for them. You’re not a pushover, though, and you expect that same loyalty in return. I appreciate is that you know that you deserve to be treated well, and you have high expectations of your friends. I have watched you learn that all people are fallible, and there is always a time and place for grace. These are qualities that will also come in handy with your eventual role in geriatric physical therapy or whatever career path you decide to follow. You will handily make any job your own with your humor, your work ethic, and your understanding.

You make us all laugh every single day. More importantly, you know how to laugh at yourself. Having a good sense of humor and the ability to not take things so seriously are true assets in life. Things aren't always fun and games, but if you can create fun in your life, you absolutely should. 

 

I’m forever proud of your strength, your values, and your confidence. I look at you, and I am in awe of your accomplishments, and more importantly, your kindness and empathy. Simply put, to me, you are magic. Don't ever let anyone make you feel otherwise. 

 

Happy 18th birthday, baby. 

I love you the mostest,

Mom

5,840 days

 

My love,

Today, you are 16. I don’t think I could be any prouder of you than I am today, but you can ask me again tomorrow.

You have continued to grow and evolve throughout this last year. It hasn’t all been easy, though. You’ve been through some heartaches, and I know there were times you were really down. You managed to get through it all with your humor intact, but I know it wasn’t fun. I’m proud of you for powering through what were some difficult situations, but more so, I’m proud of you for talking when you needed to talk instead of keeping it all inside.

Your first year of high school had ups and downs, but now you seem to be on a fairly smooth track. You joined choir for your fine arts credit, and so far, you seem to be learning a lot. Science O was okay last year, but you decided it wasn’t your thing. This year, along with some pretty hard classes, you’re going to be on the swim team. I was so pleasantly surprised to see you willingly go out of your comfort zone, and I’m eager to watch everything you’ll do as a sophomore.

You were lucky enough to travel this summer with your school to Germany, Austria, and Switzerland. I was nervous to let you go because of your allergy; I was worried that you wouldn’t have enough to eat, or worse, that you would have some sort of reaction to something you ate. I should have known that you would be careful and diligent, and you ended up having an amazing time. I missed you a lot, but my heart was so thrilled that you were able to have that experience. I hope that you have a lot of travel in your future.

My favorite part of the recent year has been that you got your driving permit. Spending time with you in the car while you drive is absolutely the best. We talk about so many things, and I constantly learn something from you. Not only is your driving improving in leaps and bounds but so is your patience and your perception. You’re eager to listen to other people’s points of view while still staying true to who you are.

It’s hard to know who you are, especially in high school. I feel like you have a pretty good sense of that for yourself, though. I see a tenderness in you that I don’t see in a lot of people. It’s not weakness but rather a genuine compassion for others and what they may be feeling. I have hope that your generation of men will embrace the fact that men have feelings and that expressing those feelings is valid and pretty cool. I know I can always count on you to help me at home and to help your friends when they need it. You never want to hurt anyone’s feelings if you can help it, and I think that’s amazing. Just make sure that you stand up for yourself when you know something isn’t right. Your sense of humor is still delightfully dry, and I love catching your eye to laugh when perhaps we shouldn’t be laughing. I also appreciate that you’re around to help me get things off high shelves because, as you and your sister love to tell me, I’m too “low” to get them myself. Speaking of Lottie, watching your relationship grow is triumphant to me. Knowing that you two have each other when things get rough makes me happier than you’ll ever know.

You’re truly one of my favorite people on the planet, and it’s not just because you’re my son. I love spending time with you, I love your different takes on the world, I love how sweet you are even though I’m sure you don’t want anyone to know it, and I love you. I’m so happy that I get to be your mom.

 

You’re my bestest boy,

Mom

6,205 days

                                                                                        My love, this is 17. 

It has been a year of such growth for you. 

You started driving, and you’re quite good at it. The day you got your license, you had me drive home from the DMV because you wanted to text everyone you knew. As soon as we got home, you immediately took Dallas to dinner. It made my mama heart happy to see that he was the first person you shared your joy with. You have been driving my old car, which you named “Stephen” and bedazzled as soon as you could. 

You recently finished your first semester of Health Science vocational at Portage High School. You drive there every morning and then back to VHS for the afternoon. You get up on time and get yourself there with time to spare, and I admire that you took that on. The vocational material isn’t easy, but you’re working hard and doing the best you can. Dad and I can’t wait to see what you decide to end up doing in the healthcare field, if, indeed, you chose to go that route. I think you were made to help people because you give your care and kindness fully to anyone who needs it. 

Of course, you’re still participating in Speech, Debate, and Mock Trial. You're captain of the debate team and president of SDMT. I love that you have something you enjoy that you can also share with Dad. I know it isn’t easy to give up most of your Saturdays to various tournaments, but you do it with a smile…most of the time. You tried a new event by doing prose in speech this year, and you seem to be enjoying it a lot. I love that you’re willing to try new things in the SDMT world because one everyone your age is that brave. 

Along with vocational classes, regular school, and SDMT, you started your first job this year. As you know, Dad and I were reluctant to let you do it. I was afraid it would be too much, and you would get overwhelmed. When I really thought about it, I realized that we would never know if you could handle it unless we let you try. So far, you’re handling it like a champ. Between work, school, and SDMT, you’re sometimes gone for fourteen hours at a time. I miss your face on those days, but I know you’re out there doing good things. You have made fast friends at the pharmacy, and you help all of the customers who come in. You have also made it clear to some of the customers when they push it too far. 

Being a teenager in high school is hard, especially being a girl, I think. Friendships are tenuous at best, sometimes, and it can be hard to know who is really in your corner. I love that you work hard to maintain friendships as long as they’re feasible, but that you’re not afraid to say goodbye if you’re not being treated well. Yes, being the bigger person is SO hard, but it’s worth it in the long run, I promise. It’s better to be alone and enjoy your own company than to be with other people and feel like you’re alone. 

You make Dad and I so proud every single day, and I hope you’re proud of yourself, too. The first time I held you, I could have never dreamed that you would become this beautiful, smart, kind, funny, conscientious young lady. Thank you for continuing to trust me with your thoughts and concerns, and I guarantee that I will always be here for you. Stay true to yourself; I can feel in my bones that good things are coming your way. I love you the mostest. 

 

5,475 days of Dallas

 Dal,

In the blink of an eye, you are fifteen. When I look at you, my brain understands that you're growing up, but my heart still sees you as a little boy who loves Thomas the Train, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, firetrucks, and going to the park. 

First day of high school

I often wonder who you will be as you continue to get older. I already know that you are hilarious; your sense of humor constantly keeps me on my toes. (So does looking up at you because you tower above me.) Of course, you enjoy the stereotypical-boy humor like anything that involves bodily functions, but you also have a more sophisticated view on what is funny, too. You still like to take in a whole situation before you comment on it, and I love to watch you watch everyone else. There is usually a faint smile on your face, and I'm always curious to know what you're thinking. 

One of my favorite things about you is your loyalty. Once you have made a friend, you have that friend for life. You will stand up for the people you believe in, and you won't let them get down on themselves. I love when your friends come over, and I can hear you all laughing while you play air hockey or even tag in the pitch dark. The sounds have gone from little boy giggles to laughter that sounds like grown men have invaded my basement. When that happens, all of our snack food disappears so quickly it's almost like it was never there. It's worth it, though, to know that you all are having a good time. 

Another one of my favorite things is your kindness. Along with your loyalty to your friends, I think you're kind to them as well. It can't be easy to be a teenaged boy these days, but you make it look effortless by being genuinely nice and ignoring the how others may think you should act. You're also so kind to Lottie, Dad, and me. I know that teens are supposed to be annoyed with their parents the majority of the time, but if you feel that way about us, I would never know. You're always polite and self-effacing, and you would rather take the heat for something than see anyone else go down. Even if I make a throwaway comment about how I'm dim for forgetting something, you quickly rush to tell me that I'm not and that I have done nothing wrong. Simply put, you're a good person, and I'm so proud of you. 

The last year has been a good one for you. With Science Olympiad, you were able to attend the state competition as well as go to the national competition in Wichita. You went to Washington D.C. with your eighth-grade class, to Florida with your friend and his dad for spring break, to the Dunes Learning summer camp, to the Wisconsin Dells with another friend, and to Hilton Head Island with us. I'm happy that you appreciate travel and the people who take you places. I firmly believe that going to different places to learn about different things is good for the soul, and you seem to soak it all in. Remember when we tried to go crabbing on the boat? We caught nothing and got eaten alive by mosquitoes, but you still had a good time just by having the experience. Even when things haven't gone your way, and there have definitely been times like that, you are able to recognize that there is learning in defeat and value in trying again. 

What I feel luckiest about is that I genuinely enjoy spending time with you. You always have little tidbits of trivia to share with me or a funny story to tell. The reason I love to plan vacations is because it's time for the four of us to be together without other distractions. I mean, I do love to travel, but I also love to travel with you or do basically anything with you. (Except maybe shopping for clothes. I don't think that's fun for you.)

Thank you for putting things on high shelves for me, thank you for helping me to take care of the pool and the dogs, thank you for working hard and being thoughtful, thank you for cleaning up after dinner, and thank you for being you.

You are my number one best boy, and I love you,

Mom